Just The Way You Are
by elarielf
Summary: From cgkinkmemeii PREMISE: An experiment leaves Suzaku with breasts and Lelouch with feelings. But will those feelings outlast Suzaku's femininity or will he have to choose between Lelouch's love and his true self? Explicit, M/F, M/M, gender/female issues
1. The Bitterest Pill

"This isn't illegal, is it?"

"Not if you're not Britannian! Which you're not!"

Suzaku sighed and tried to relax as Lloyd slapped his… elbow pit (was that what it was called?) before isolating a vein and injecting something that burned like ice. But only for a second.

"There! Now we'll see if this improves your synchronization with my Lancelot."

Suzaku nodded in complete agreement, taking a moment to subtly flex his hands and feet to make sure they felt normal. "How long does it take to kick in?"

Lloyd shrugged. "You'll need a few more treatments yet, not sure how many exactly… That's the great thing about trial medications – the _surprises_!" He laughed, cutting himself off abruptly as the door opened.

"Suzaku, you're still here?" Cecile asked. "Shouldn't you be on your way to class?"

"Right!" Suzaku jumped off the table, shooting Lloyd a polite nod and Cecile a slightly deeper nod before rushing off.

"What was that about?"

"Oh, nothing," Lloyd did his best to look innocent. "Just a man-to-boy chat before school."

Cecile snorted. "But who was the man and who was the boy?"

"Hey!"

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

Suzaku made it in just before the bell. He grinned when he noticed Lelouch's presence as well, even if the other boy was sleeping already. If Suzaku recalled correctly, there was a student council meeting after school today and if he could drag Lelouch there…

It was always fun. That was the most amazing thing about being here at Ashford. Sure, there were the racists, and sometimes Suzaku grew tired of the constant bullying, but everyday had at least _something _fun in it, even if it was just watching Lelouch sleep.

Although that was less 'fun' and more… something that stirred things in Suzaku that needed to be repressed. If Lelouch had any idea how Suzaku sometimes felt around him, Suzaku could lose everything. And anyways, it was only sometimes. Most of the time, Suzaku just liked being with him and laughing at him and didn't think about touching or kissing him at all.

Given how Lelouch reacted to even the teasing hints that Suzaku had dropped, he was _not interested_. And, of course, he had Shirley.

Who was waving at Suzaku in lieu of her usual bright 'good morning!' She was such an amazing girl. Lelouch was lucky.

…sometimes…

"Shirley, I'll come to the next meeting, I'm busy today…"

"No chance, Lulu," Shirley said firmly. "You weren't there last time either… in fact, _Suzaku's_ attendance is better than yours and he didn't even start coming until a few months ago!"

Suzaku noticed that Shirley had both arms firmly wrapped around Lelouch's, and snickered. Comparing their upper body strengths, she'd barely need a hand to overpower him. But this way, she got to press against him. In public. Suzaku ignored the slight pang of envy.

"You're not seriously thinking about skipping, are you Lelouch?" Suzaku asked innocently, flanking Lelouch's free side. "That's awfully irresponsible for a vice-president."

Lelouch basically ignored him, still trying to free himself from Shirley. "It's not a regularly scheduled meeting, which means that Milly's plotting something, which means that the farther away I can be the better."

Suzaku clasped a hand on Lelouch's shoulder, making him still. "Nonsense. Maybe it'll be fun."

For the first time, Lelouch turned to look at him. Suzaku kept a bright smile on, cursing himself for sounding wistful. Lelouch was just sensitive enough to catch that.

"Fine."

"What?" Shirley sounded both surprised and doubtful. "You'll come?"

"Sure." Lelouch sighed heavily. "After all, maybe it'll be fun."

Given how much Lelouch was glaring from where he was covered in colour fabric swatches less than half an hour later, Suzaku had the feeling he'd be hearing about his theories of fun later. And not in a good way.

Still, he looked so petulant and dour under so many colours and… it was cute. "You should smile, Lelouch. It'll brighten up those colours." He reached over and poked Lelouch's cheek.

"Don't touch me!" If anything, Lelouch sulked more, only now his cheeks were lightly flushed.

Milly noticed it too. "Hey, that matches 'dusty pink'!"

Rivalz looked up from the wallpaper samples. "Lelouch is blushing?"

"I am not! You're so immature."

"Hey, I'm not the one Suzaku made blush!"

Suzaku laughed. "He's not blushing. He gets like this when he's… really… mad… oh."

"Got it in one, Kururugi."

Suzaku considered his options. "Well, if you're already mad at me…"

He managed to escape without any bruises and only the threat of further silent treatment from Lelouch. Still, it _had _been fun.

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"How long do I need these treatments?"

"Until I start seeing some effects." Lloyd frowned and pressed his hand on Suzaku's chest before shrugging and sighing. "A bit longer, apparently."

For the first time, Suzaku asked, "What do they do?"

"Oh!" Lloyd sounded surprised as if he hadn't even considered being asked that. "You'll see!"

Suzaku supposed he would.

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Lelouch wasn't angry at him anymore, and he'd been invited over for supper. It was one of those rare nights when Suzaku didn't have anything planned the next day and Lelouch managed to talk him into a social glass of wine. Which turned into four. Which ended with Suzaku just tipsy enough to do something stupid and sharing Lelouch's bed.

This was a _bad_ idea.

"You're not going back alone, drunk," Lelouch said, exasperated after Suzaku tried to back out for the third time. "If you insist, I'll use the couch." He muttered something like 'I'm used to it', but Suzaku didn't quite catch it.

"No, you don't… it's fine, I'll… thanks, Lelouch." Suzaku gave in and tried _really _hard not to watch Lelouch undress, but Lelouch never attended PE and this was such a rare opportunity…

His pyjamas were disappointingly frumpy.

"I'll make something nice for breakfast tomorrow," Lelouch promised, crawling into bed beside Suzaku. Their arms brushed and Suzaku stared at the ceiling, debating between taking advantage of the situation or behaving himself because nothing good could come out of stepping out of line.

In the end he compromised, keeping his hands away from anything sensitive (on himself or Lelouch), but pressing his chest against Lelouch's back and burying his nose in Lelouch's neck. He fell asleep with his senses filled with Lelouch.

He was woken by something rubbing against his front, more stimulating than usual. "Dammit, C.C., d'you have to…" Suzaku opened his eyes as Lelouch's sleepy grumble choked off in a gasp. Oops. Caught.

"Morning?"

Lelouch stared at him for a long moment, then ripped aside the bedsheets. "Suzaku, you…" He turned bright red and threw the covers back on, jumping out of bed. "What the hell?"

It was hard to tell with Lelouch's back turned, but his hunched shoulders and the way he leaned towards the door screamed 'fight or flight' to Suzaku. Which was a bit of an overreaction to _cuddling_, Suzaku thought, sitting up and…

Oh.

"Lelouch?"

"What?"

"Why do I have boobs?"

"How should _I_ know?"

"It happened in _your_ bed!"

"It happened to _your_ chest!" Lelouch whirled around angrily before emitting a soft 'meep' and turning back around. "Cover yourself up at least!"

Suzaku wrapped a sheet around himself, feeling very… odd. "I'm covered."

Lelouch peeked once, then turned around. "You… they're still there. Under the sheets."

"It's the best I can do." Suzaku was honestly impressed that neither of them had panicked yet. "Can you grab me a shirt?"

Lelouch tossed him a light t-shirt which made Suzaku feel better, but didn't so much hide the fact that he had breasts as amplified the fact that he wasn't wearing a bra. Lelouch was still staring, but not in a good way. He sat down beside Suzaku and finally looked him in the face.

"Is it just the breasts?"

Oh. Oh god, Suzaku hadn't even… he jumped up and dashed to the bathroom, pulling down his pants and…

No. It wasn't just the breasts. With a significant amount of trepidation, Suzaku fingered the small flap of skin that had replaced his penis, then slid down and in and…

Yup. That was a vagina. Did that mean he'd have to pee sitting down and get periods and… could he get _pregnant_?

Lelouch knocked gently on the door. "Suzaku? Are you okay?"

"Not really," Suzaku admitted, sliding down to the bathroom floor, his shorts tangled around his knees. "Lelouch, I'm a girl."

"You're not." Lelouch sounded certain. "Your body is just a girl's. It's not the same thing at all. We can fix it, Suzaku, we just have to figure out how this happened…"

Somehow, that made Suzaku feel better. Both Lelouch's confidence and practicality. They _would _fix it, whatever it was. If only there was some clue as to how it had happened in the first place…

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"How _dare _you?"

Suzaku winced as Cecile screamed at Lloyd.

"I wanted to see if Suzaku would develop female intuition! Maternal instincts!" Lloyd protested "…I wanted to be Lancelot's daddy. He can be the mommy."

"So you injected him with an experimental drug despite not knowing the side effects or threshold dose to turn him into a girl?"

"Yes!"

"You arrogant…"

Suzaku crept away, not wanting to witness this. It was weird… that was the exact same reaction he'd have had as a guy, but now he was wondering if it was because he was a girl that he was avoiding conflict, except that was just silly and…

Lelouch could never know that Britannia had done this. He was already so mad at them, and occasionally at Suzaku for joining them… it wouldn't be helpful.

Cecile sent him home early, without even trying him in the Lancelot. That was how Suzaku knew that she was _really _upset. Unfortunately, that meant he had nowhere to go but school, and nothing but his male uniform to go in. Poor planning, perhaps.

The uniform still fit, snugger in some places and looser in others, but overall comfortable enough. The only problem was that it did nothing to hide Suzaku's new bust. He might have been able to pass with the softer slopes of his face and thinner neck and even the way his waist tapered down into muscled, but still obvious, thighs. But he couldn't do a thing about his breasts.

Still, it seemed like no one (except Lelouch) noticed anything different when he snuck into class, taking his seat and carefully not looking at anyone. His usually perfect posture was slumped forward a little, trying to disguise his dimensions, and it seemed to work. Rivalz, Shirley, no one seemed to notice anything.

Until Milly. It was entirely possible that she was just _that _attracted to breasts.

"What are you trying to–" Milly frowned as she went from cheerfully groping Suzaku's chest to curiously groping Suzaku's chest. "…they're real?"

"Stop that!" Lelouch snapped, batting Milly's hands aside. "And how can you tell just from touching them?"

Milly made gropey motions with her hands and laughed an evil little laugh. Suzaku sighed – that had felt _weird_. "They're real."

And then Suzaku and Lelouch had to field a million questions (mostly with "we don't know") about Suzaku's new girlish figure.

Then they trooped over to the store to get Suzaku a girl's uniform, against Lelouch's arguments.

"He's _not _a girl! Anyways, he looks the same, can't you just… wrap him up or something?" Shirley and Milly and Kallen and even Nina shot him dirty looks. "What?"

"Binding," Milly said. "Is _painful_. Especially when you have a significant amount to bind." She eyed Suzaku judgementally. "I'd say Suzaku's a generous C-cup – that'll get sore after an hour and intolerable after two."

"I don't mind…" Suzaku really didn't. It couldn't hurt more than standing at attention for 24 hours without rest during a thunderstorm.

But Lelouch shook his head this time. "I do. This has got to be hard enough as it is…"

"Would you stop acting like being a girl is the worst thing in the world!" Kallen piped up, sounding genteelly peeved. "It's not like he's been crippled or anything."

Lelouch shot her a cold look (Suzaku knew full well that while the casual dismissal rubbed him the wrong way for Suzaku's sake, it was just as much that the 'crippled' comment rubbed him the wrong way for Nunnally's sake), before sighing. "It's a matter of identity. One might say a similar thing about being Britannian, when one has self-identified as something else their entire lives."

That shut Kallen up, but Suzaku felt the sting of those words acutely. "It's not _exactly _the same thing." For one thing, he hadn't chosen this. On the other hand. "But I don't mind wearing a skirt if that makes things easier. I mean, I did that as a guy…"

"What?" Rivalz and Milly's voices mingled; one with surprise, the other with delight.

Suzaku laughed nervously. "It's just one of those things they had us do as new recruits… It was just crossdressing and dancing and getting teased…" Somehow it sounded worse in Suzaku's new feminine voice. "It was actually kind of fun. I like skirts, they're very… breezy."

"You are taking this about a thousand times better than I would, man." Rivalz clasped Suzaku's shoulder.

"Yes," Lelouch agreed, watching Suzaku closely. "Almost too well."

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"I've done some research," Lelouch announced once they got to the Lamperouge home with Suzaku's new clothes. "About guys turning into girls and the like."

"And what did you find?" Suzaku asked curiously. Maybe Lloyd's experiments were published somewhere.

"A great deal of pornography." Lelouch's voice held the bland humour that most people missed. "Also, some medical and surgical options to go from one sex to the other, so even if this is permanent, there are options."

Suzaku sighed. "Great." It was just like Lelouch to plan for the worst, but still… "No idea on causes?"

"No, but I did manage to rule some things out." Lelouch tugged Suzaku down to sit on the bed by him. "So I know what didn't cause it. That's important."

Since Suzaku knew exactly how this had happened, he was satisfied with that. "Good. Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see." He leaned his head on Lelouch's shoulder. "Thanks, Lelouch."

Lelouch jumped up, nearly knocking Suzaku over. "Um. Maybe you should try on your clothes. Before school I mean. Just to see."

"Sure." Suzaku started unbuttoning his jacket and Lelouch nearly tripped on his own feet trying to get out of his room. It was kind of funny, but also kind of sad.

Suzaku took a moment, once his shirt was off, to take a look at himself in the mirror. He still looked tough, even muscular. Despite the large, perky breasts that jutted out from his chest, his abs were still visible (six pack rather than an eight pack, but reasonable) and his arms were still lean and wiry. He shoulders weren't nearly as square, though, and his face (always his softest feature) had gentled even more. He fluffed out his hair and bit his lips until they turned red.

…he was totally a girl.

He took a deep breath and slid off his pants as well, staring at the way his hips flared on the outside and just came together, framing nothing but pubic hair, on this inside. He idly wondered if he was attractive still. He'd been both handsome and cute as a guy. What was he as a girl?

…still cute, he decided. Perky and tomboyish. But not exactly pretty, despite the ample bosom. He probably wouldn't look twice at himself if he was looking for a date or a good time.

That was confusing. Maybe he should start thinking of himself with female pronouns.

His reflection made a face and Suzaku agreed. That was maybe a little too far.

"Suzaku, are you ready yet?"

"Not quite!" Suzaku rolled his eyes at his naked body and quickly tugged on the skirt and stockings. The panties were easy, but the bra… "Lelouch, would you feel comfortable helping me put on a bra?"

"No!"

Suzaku sighed. He hadn't really thought so. "It'll be a bit longer then."

There was a momentary pause, then the door slowly opened. "I'll help you _once _but that's all."

Lelouch walked in backwards, his eyes staring at the ground as he made his way to Suzaku. "T-turn around."

Suzaku did. He was careful not to gasp, to just continue breathing normally as Lelouch arranged his bra straps and slid the cups over his breasts and hooked them up in the back. "Here, you have to feel your way around this…" Lelouch guided Suzaku's hands to the clasps in the back, sliding them together under their fingers, and Suzaku was pretty damn sure that if he had a penis, it would be fully erect by now. "…see?"

"Thanks." He had to stop thinking about Lelouch like that, especially now. "Um, Lelouch…"

Lelouch was still standing behind him, no longer helping, just hovering and… god, Suzaku just wanted to lean into his warm body and…

"Put on your shirt and let's see how it looks." Lelouch sounded incredibly uncomfortable, and Suzaku was glad he resisted the urge to give into his instincts.

He slipped the shirt on and buttoned it up. Lelouch helped with the tie and the set of the jacket before stepping back to survey their work.

"You look like a girl."

"Thanks." Suzaku managed to mimic Lelouch's sour tones exactly. He looked over Lelouch's shoulder at the mirror and… yup. He looked like a girl.

"What d'you think?" Suzaku asked, twirling, hoping to make Lelouch smile. "Do I make a pretty girl?"

Lelouch reached out and stopped him, one hand on his cheek, the other on his shoulder. "You look… good."

They were so close. Suzaku could practically taste Lelouch's breath. Then Lelouch stepped back. "I'm going to… go…"

Suzaku didn't say anything as Lelouch left. That had been _awkward_.

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I don't usually do ANs, but I just wanted everyone to know that I know that the 'elbow pit' is properly called the '_antecubital fossa_'. I know this because I forgot it at 2:30am one shift and all the nurses laughed at me until I signed out at 4. :p True story. True, embarrassing story. XD

That being said, I doubt Suzaku would know (because the thought of Suzkau being smarter than me hurts me in my ego-place :p) and I LOVE the term 'elbow pit'. Also, 'knee pit'. Also, 'throat clitoris', but that's only amongst friends. XD


	2. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

"I'm very disappointed in you, Suzaku. You're still not getting anything over 97%." Lloyd tried to scowl but his black eye was preventing it. Cecile didn't even look sorry.

"Can I go back to being a boy, then?" Suzaku asked plaintively.

Lloyd shook his head. "It'll wear off when it wears off. Who knows when that'll be?"

Cecil casually wacked his elbow with a clipboard as she walked past him. "You're the first 'successful' human experiment, Suzaku. The animal models all turned back within one to two months. But, again, they didn't get the dose that you got, or at the rate you got it, so…"

"Who knows when that'll be, huh?" Suzaku tried to smile. "Hey, it's not that bad. At least now I have an excuse for crying at Steel Magnolias."

Cecile smiled. "You're handling this all very maturely. How are your friends taking it?"

Suzaku's smile faltered.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"Eleven cunt. You seriously think this would change anything?"

Suzaku let himself be backed into a wall. It was actually a reasonably defensive position if you were stronger than your opponents. It certainly prevented anyone from sneaking up behind you. "It changed a lot from where I'm standing." The leader of this particular group of bullies slammed his palm against the wall by Suzaku's head. It was probably supposed to be intimidating. "…you know, I'm still military trained, and mentally a guy."

"Really? You sure as hell look like a bitch to me." A leer and a hand on his thigh and Suzaku rolled his eyes. "Bet you feel like one too…" The hand crept up and Suzaku realized he'd have to make a choice pretty soon…

"Oof, sorry!" Of all the people to come to Suzaku's rescue, he hadn't expected Kallen. It really did look like an accident though, the way she'd tripped backwards and flailed her elbow into the guy's face. No one could be that clumsy on _purpose_. "I… ow…"

Suzaku bent down to help her up. "Are you okay, Kallen?"

She looked at him vaguely. "Fine. I guess. I just felt faint… can you take me to the nurse's office?"

"Sure." Suzaku felt really bad about the whole thing; Kallen's health was delicate enough without pushing it. Even the bullies made way for them as Suzaku guided Kallen to the school clinic.

Lelouch shot them a curious look as they passed him. "What happened?"

"Kallen's not feeling well. She just tripped over a jerk."

Lelouch turned his frown on Kallen who just shrugged. "There were some guys who were talking to Suzaku and I bumped into them."

Suzaku chuckled. "Saved me, more like it."

Lelouch's expression softened. "Maybe Kallen just needs something to eat. I'm sure there's no point in wasting hours in the nurse's office."

Kallen shot him a grateful look and Suzaku let her go. He hoped that was all she needed. He turned to go, but Lelouch grabbed his arm. "What were they doing?"

"Nothing!" Suzaku deflected. "It was just a joke. You know how guys can be." Lelouch didn't look impressed. "C'mon, Lelouch. You know I can handle myself."

"…can you?"

Suzaku grinned. "Wanna try me? I beat you up when you looked like a girl; I have no problems beating you up now that I _am _a girl."

Lelouch shook his head. "As much as it wounds my manly ego to admit, sparing against me is hardly proof of anything. I was thinking more of a specialized test."

"Oh?" Suzaku asked curiously. "Like what?"

"Are you doing anything after school today?"

"No…" It sounded like Lelouch had something specific in mind. Suzaku wasn't a naturally suspicious person, but Lelouch and plots…

Also, Lelouch looked _really _smug all of a sudden. "Meet me here after the last class. We'll see how well you can handle yourself."

Suzaku had to admit, he was more than just a little worried. "Lelouch, I dunno…"

"Don't be like that." Lelouch smirked. "Tell you what… we'll go clothes shopping first. Just like real girls."

"Very funny."

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"…I can't believe you were serious about the shopping."

"Trust me. You'll need an outfit." Lelouch frowned. "Something you can move in, but won't be easy to grab… and maybe a sports bra?"

"Are you having fun?"

"A little." Lelouch smiled and it was genuine and lovely. "You're still Suzaku. I just want to make sure you remember that."

Suzaku snorted. "It's not like I'm likely to forget."

Lelouch looked sceptical. "Oh really? 'skirts are breezy'?"

"Hey. I thought that as a guy too."

Lelouch rolled his eyes. "Just pick something you can fight in that looks good."

Suzaku eventually settled on a tight but not restrictive deep green midriff (over a damn sports bra) and black shorts that were just a little longer than short-shorts. He planned to fight barefooted, but Lelouch insisted on black lacy flats that almost looked like slippers to wear until they arrived at their destination.

"Do I pass?" Suzaku asked sourly.

Lelouch just looked at him for a long moment (no doubt mentally tailoring something more aesthetic) before nodding. "You'll do."

"Great. Where are we going?"

"Just follow my lead."

By the time they reached the casino, the sun was setting and people were piling in. Suzaku waited to be asked his age (then asked to leave) but he and Lelouch were waved in almost casually. "Come here often?"

"Often enough." Lelouch smiled as one of the serving girls grinned and waved at him. "Never with a female, though."

"Oh." The thought of everyone assuming he was Lelouch's girlfriend (…Eleven fucktoy, whatever) wasn't nearly as disturbing as Suzaku would have expected. "What exactly are we doing here?"

Lelouch ignored him as an older gentleman pulled him aside and whispered something in his ear. Lelouch smiled and nodded his thanks.

"This way, Suzaku."

"This is a horrible idea."

"Too late now!" Lelouch steered him towards a blond man talking rapidly on a cellphone. The moment the man saw Lelouch he wrapped up the call and hung up. "Lelouch! Nice to see you back."

"It's nice to be back. I have a late entry for you, Claus."

The man looked Suzaku over. "She's a kid."

"You've had younger."

"But not _girls_!"

Lelouch shrugged. "She's an Eleven. What do you care?" He leaned forward. "You think people aren't going to be entertained by watching her inevitably get her ass kicked?"

Claus thought about it and shrugged. "You have the entrance fee?"

Lelouch handed him an envelope. "Plus a side wager. Those are still allowed, are they not?"

"They are." Claus laughed and accepted the money and handed Lelouch a number. "You're putting a lot on those delicate shoulders. She must be worth it." He waggled his eyebrows.

"Subtlety truly is a lost art," Lelouch shot back, steering Suzaku with a hand on the small of his back to a small room labelled with their number.

Suzaku sat down on one of the chairs and bit his lower lip. "Lelouch, what are we doing here?"

"Seeing how well you can handle yourself." Lelouch took another chair, gesturing to the door. "When that door opens, you will go through it and fight whoever's waiting for you. Then, after you win, you'll come back here and we'll talk about the weather and stuff and then you'll do it again. Until you've won."

"…why?"

"Because." Lelouch grinned. "You could have done it a week ago. I just want to see you do it now."

Suzaku sighed. "Apart from being morally opposed to prize fighting _and _gambling, what makes you think I'd want to go through this exercise in exploitation at all, Lelouch?"

Lelouch's smile turned wistful. "Because I asked you to?" …Suzaku had to admit that was a good and valid answer. "No, really I think you want to see if you're up to it too. I mean, I'd have to be blind not to notice the way you move more carefully, the way you duck and hunch and _simper_ since you changed, and I think it's changed the way you see yourself."

"Hasn't it changed the way you see me?" Suzaku asked, trying not to sound bitter.

"…maybe." Lelouch sounded so uncertain. "But I do know you're still Suzaku and my best friend and I think… this'll make that completely clear. And we'll both stop thinking of you as anything but Suzaku."

"That kind of makes sense, I suppose," Suzaku agreed, jumping when the door suddenly opened.

"Good luck," Lelouch said.

"Thanks."

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

Suzaku could feel the sweat pouring down his neck and back, dripping off the tip of his nose as he straightened up from his final opponent.

"The winner is Suzaku Kururugi!"

There were a bunch of hisses and boos from the audience and other competitors, but Suzaku didn't pay them any attention. His focus was on one thing and one thing only; the way Lelouch stalked through the crowd, his eyes wide and warm and fixed on Suzaku's as he ducked into the ring and grabbed Suzaku by the back of the neck and kissed him hard and demanding and hmm… tongue…

Suzaku felt lightheaded and dizzy with joy as he kissed back, better at it than Lelouch was and easily taking control and…

Lelouch pulled away, flushed and breathing hard and clearly flustered. "S-sorry, I didn't… I thought those feelings would go away, but…" He looked almost ill. "I didn't mean it, Suzaku. I'm really sorry."

"Hey, heat of the moment." Suzaku felt a little ill himself. "Don't worry about it. We won, didn't we?"

"We did." Lelouch smiled, not quite looking Suzaku in the eye. "We'll split the winnings when we get home."

"Great." Why did Suzaku feel like he just lost?

The first thing Suzaku did when they got back to Lelouch's was shower. But no matter how hard he scrubbed, he could still feel the press of Lelouch's lips against his, the way his fingers dug into Suzaku's neck, the warm dryness of his palm pressed against Suzaku's sweaty skin…

"It was a mistake," Suzaku reminded himself. "Just a mistake. Lelouch doesn't feel that way about me. Although he probably feels that way about winning." Images of Lelouch 'celebrating' wins with Rivalz flashed through Suzaku's head and he scrubbed harder. "It didn't mean anything."

He didn't have anything to wear in the bathroom that wasn't drenched in his sweat, so he grabbed a robe and tied it (tighter and higher than he normally would) before heading to Lelouch's room.

Lelouch was sitting in the dark, staring out the window twirling a chess piece (white knight) in his hand. Suzaku hesitated, then flipped on the light. "I always wondered if you had to practice the tortured stoic hero look…"

When Lelouch turned around, his eyes widened and his lips parted slightly. Suzaku had no idea why; he was just leaning on the wall after turning the light on, in a robe that barely revealed any cleavage (just a bit) and just a hint of thigh peaking through the slit. It was hardly provocative or anything…

Lelouch licked his lips and looked away. "You… your uniform is in that bag. I'll let you get changed…" He placed the chess piece down on a table.

His hands were shaking. Suzaku grabbed his arm before he could leave. "Lelouch, what's wrong?" Lelouch gasped as if Suzaku's touch had burned him. "You've been acting weird. And then weirder. If it's something I've done…"

Lelouch wrenched his arm away. "Do-don't touch me. God, Suzaku just… let it go. It's not important."

"It _is _important!" Suzaku protested. "You're… you're still shaking, Lelouch." In fact, it was even worse now, encompassing Lelouch's whole body. The only time Suzaku had seen Lelouch like this was when he'd pledged to destroy Britannia. "Look, whatever I've done to make you this mad, I'm sorry, but I can't fix it if you don't tell me what I've done!"

Lelouch laughed harshly. "I'm not mad, you stupid–" he cut himself off and moved towards the doorway again, retreating.

Suzaku had had about enough. He kicked the door closed with his foot and slammed Lelouch up against it. Lelouch looked first shocked, then furious. Suzaku ignored his glare, wanting everything out in the open. "Just… please talk to me, Lelouch. I don't like things between us being this way."

"Things between us…" Lelouch averted his gaze. "There's _nothing_ between us, Suzaku. Let me go!"

"No!" Suzaku leaned in. "You're my friend and I care about you and _that's_ between us, Lelouch. I don't want to lose that."

"Then let me go," Lelouch growled, threateningly.

Suzaku shook his head. "Not until you tell me how to fix this."

Lelouch snarled something like "I'll fix you, you idiot!" but Suzaku didn't really process it because in the next moment Lelouch had grabbed him by the front of his robe and kissed him.

Suzaku wasn't even given the chance to kiss back before Lelouch broke away, trying to duck under Suzaku's arm and escape.

_No chance_.

In a single smooth movement, Suzaku grabbed Lelouch by the arm, threw him on the bed, and straddled him. "You kissed me." Lelouch didn't say anything, his expression closed and angry, staring at the wall. "_Again_." Still nothing.

Suzaku sighed. "Lelouch… I kissed you back, you know."

"In the ring," Lelouch said quietly, grumpily. "You said yourself, just the heat of the moment. But I'm not… it wasn't just…"

"How long?" Suzaku asked gently.

Lelouch set his jaw. "I don't know. Not right after you changed, that's for sure. But… before the clothes shopping."

…so only when Suzaku was a girl. Well. That was fine, Suzaku could work with that. After all, he'd been resigned to not having Lelouch ever look at him like he'd looked at him before, or kiss him like he just had or, well, _anything_. Suzaku was more than willing to consider this the silver lining on the grey and gloomy cloud of being a girl.

He looked down at Lelouch. "What do you want?"

"I… I don't even know."

Suzaku hummed under his breath. "Well. How about we start with this?" He asked, untying his robe.

The result was instantaneous, but not really flattering. Lelouch immediately started sputtering and grabbed the robe to keep it shut. "Suzaku, what the _hell_ are you doing?"

"I was just… you're not being much help here, Lelouch." Suzaku had a pretty good idea why Lelouch was so speechless and flushed, and also had a pretty good idea why Lelouch was fighting against him. "I do want it too, you know."

"Don't be idiotic," Lelouch snapped. "I'm still a guy and you're just a… guy with boobs. Just because I've gone insane and am physically attracted to you doesn't mean you have to indulge me."

Suzaku laughed. "That was actually really insulting." Lelouch made a face at him and Suzaku stuck his tongue out. "But I'll let that slide and just say, again, that _I want it too_, Lelouch."

Lelouch looked up at him incredulously. "Suzaku. I'm a _guy_. You can find skirts breezy all you like, that doesn't make you gay."

"No," Suzaku agreed. "Wanting to strip you naked and kiss every part of you body makes me gay. Or straight. I'm not sure which right now." Suzaku frowned. "And, actually, I think I'm something in between in any case. But the point is… you want me as a girl, I want you as a guy. Hey, look, that's the reality, why don't we do something about it?"

"Rivalz was right," Lelouch said as he sat up, placing a hand gently on the back of Suzaku's neck. "You're taking this way too well."

"Hey, you're the one who said tha-hmm…" Suzaku willingly abandoned the argument in favour of kissing Lelouch back. "Hnnn, Lelouch…" Suzaku easily slipped the robe off, pushing Lelouch back down on the bed. The roughness of Lelouch's clothes against Suzaku's naked, shower-softened skin made everything feel ten times stronger. And considering that areas like Suzaku's chest were already more sensitive, Suzaku was moaning and writhing within moments.

"Suzaku." Lelouch clearly had no idea how to deal with a woman. His hands were everywhere _except_where Suzaku wanted them, as if Lelouch was going for some kind of idiotic chivalry. Suzaku was rather at a loss as to how to fix that.

Well, apart form the obvious. Suzaku grabbed Lelouch's hand and pressed it against his breast. He bit his lip against the moan that wanted to escape (Lelouch's hand was so smooth and his fingers were so long and delicate… it felt really good) and started undoing Lelouch's buttons. He wasn't kidding when he said he wanted to strip Lelouch naked and kiss every part of his body. If having a girl's form allowed him to do that, well… he was more than willing to take advantage of that fact.

Lelouch squeezed tentatively, making Suzaku gasp and fumble harder and faster at those damn buttons. "Do that again."

Lelouch did, more confidently, as he rolled Suzaku over and thrust mindlessly against him as his lips moved over Suzaku's neck and down his chest to his breasts.

Suzaku gasped and arched and didn't do much else, really, until Lelouch paused at his navel. "…Suzaku?"

"Yes?" _Don't stop._

"…what do I do next?"

There were a lot of possible answers to that question. Suzaku decided to take a safer route. "You were doing fine, Lelouch."

"Yes, but…" Lelouch bit his lower lip. "This part is… different."

Suzaku chuckled. "It's not _that_…" okay, maybe it was that different. "Look, just… keep going and I'll let you know."

Lelouch looked uncertain, but at least his lips returned to Suzaku's skin, Suzaku sighed and lay back, promising himself he'd return the favour right after this stopped feeling _so good_. Lelouch kissed over his hip, dipping down to his inside thigh, and Suzaku could feel the faint sensation of Lelouch's hair against a part of him that was as super-sensitive as his cock had ever been. Then Lelouch's hair was brushing against Suzaku's other thigh and Suzaku could feel Lelouch's _breath _between his legs and… "Do it…"

The tentative touch of Lelouch's tongue against that small nub sent shocks though Suzaku's body. "Ah!"

"What?" Lelouch immediately poked his head up. "Are you okay?"

"Fine!" Suzaku shoved Lelouch's head back down. "It felt good."

"Oh. _Oh_…" Lelouch grinned and Suzaku wanted to kick him. Before he could, however, Lelouch's mouth returned with more confidence, first licking, then sucking, then…

"Oh, _god_, Lelouch…" His tongue was inside Suzaku, the clever, agile muscle searching out the places that made Suzaku moan louder. "There! Oh, right there, Lelouch…" Suzaku bucked into Lelouch's mouth and felt his stomach clench and spasm with the power of his orgasm. It felt amazingly similar to the ones he'd had as a guy, only without the same degree of mess.

Lelouch was still sucking, and Suzaku was about to tell him he could stop, it was over, when another wave hit him. And another, sooner and more powerful and Suzaku had _no idea_ what was happening, but it was pretty darn close to the greatest thing in the world, and _Lelouch_ was making it happen and if Suzaku wasn't torn apart by this pleasure, he felt like he might just die from happiness.

And, suddenly, all Suzaku wanted to do was share that feeling. "Lelouch, stop."

Lelouch stopped immediately. "Sorry, I though I was…" Suzaku yanked him up and kissed him, tasting the bland wetness of himself.

"You were wonderful." Suzaku kissed him again. "I came, in case you missed it." From Lelouch's flushed face, it looked like he had. Suzaku chuckled. "Now it's your turn…" He undid Lelouch's pants, tugging them down just far enough to free his cock. "You're so hard, Lelouch… why didn't you do anything about it?"

"I was… distracted," Lelouch answered, groaning as Suzaku palmed him. "Please, just… finish it."

Suzaku bit back a grin. "No, _you're_ gonna finish it, Lelouch." He kissed Lelouch's lips again, arching up his hips and aligning Lelouch just so… "Fuck me."

Lelouch's eyes widened at the vulgar order and Suzaku nearly giggled. He pressed Lelouch into him, moaning at the feeling of Lelouch filling him. "Please, Lelouch…"

"You're incredible," Lelouch whispered against Suzaku's lips as he finally relaxed and let himself slide into Suzaku. They froze for a long moment, just feeling each other before Suzaku reached up and lightly brushed Lelouch's cheek.

"Move, Lelouch."

Lelouch thrust once and then again, his eyes losing focus as he groaned against Suzaku's lips and sped up. It didn't feel as good as his mouth, but Suzaku was primed and on edge and Lelouch looked so good like this, moving on top of him, flushed with his lips parted and his eyes half closed and…

Suzaku had dreamed about this. Or something similar, in any case. He'd come to the mental image of Lelouch's face suffused with pleasure and now he was seeing it and feeling him and…

He wrapped his legs tighter around Lelouch's hips and canted his hips up and into Lelouch's thrusts. He could feel himself stimulated inside and out at the apex of every thrust, Lelouch's erection hard and inflexible, pushing and pulling inside of him, making that coil of heat in Suzaku's lower stomach tense up again until Suzaku was clutching at Lelouch's back, muffling his cries against Lelouch's shoulder and spasming around Lelouch's cock as it thrust again and again and…

The way Lelouch groaned his name as he came set Suzaku off _again_. This was real, this had happened and he had been Lelouch's _first_ and everything was perfect.

Lelouch had collapsed against Suzaku's chest, breathing hard and fast against Suzaku's breast. Suzaku felt marvellously sore and a little stiff, but not nearly as exhausted as Lelouch seemed to be. He threaded his fingers through Lelouch's hair and waited for Lelouch to recover.

"…I'm still dressed."

Suzaku laughed "You romantic fool you." He tiled Lelouch's head up and kissed him. "Lelouch, we just had sex."

"I know, I… we…" Lelouch's perturbed expression melted into something warm and affectionate. "You were amazing."

That was more like it. Suzaku kissed Lelouch again, pleased when Lelouch moved up and into the kiss. "You were too."

"Really?" Lelouch asked. "I mean, I didn't really know what I was doing, and you just felt really good and I… I'm _still_ dressed!"

"Well then," Suzaku purred. "Why don't we work on that last one now…" He pealed away Lelouch's jacket and shirt, glad that at least he'd managed to unbutton them earlier, kissing at his skin as it was revealed. Lelouch shuddered on top of Suzaku, obviously completely inexperienced and sensitive, and Suzaku felt a rush of satisfaction from that reaction alone.

He flipped them over, pressing Lelouch into the mattress as he started seriously working at the skin there, revelling in Lelouch's gasps and the way he clutched at Suzaku's head. He looked amazing; pale and thin enough that Suzaku could see and feel every single breath Lelouch took as it expanded his chest and raised his abdomen which then tensed and clenched as Suzaku nipped and sucked at the skin there.

Even this was enjoyable, as his breasts pressed and slid over Lelouch's sweat-slicked skin, eventually nudging Lelouch's half-erect cock and making them both gasp. Suzaku laughed lightly against Lelouch's stomach, then tugged his pants off. "I'm not done with you yet…"

Lelouch moaned and reached for Suzaku. "Come here. Please." Suzaku obediently shuffled forward until he was straddling Lelouch's groin, rubbing against him as he bent over and let Lelouch kiss him. "You're so… I… _please_." One hand was firmly on Suzaku's hip, holding him as he moved and Lelouch tried to mirror those movements. It didn't quite work, but it still felt fantastic. Suzaku couldn't help but agree with Lelouch, however, that he wanted more.

"Can I ride you?" It was as close as Suzaku felt he could come to making love to Lelouch with this body.

"Can you…" Lelouch's eyes widened as he realized what Suzaku was getting at. "You mean…" His bit his lip and nodded his head rather than answer verbally, but Suzaku could feel the way the thought excited him.

…so. Lelouch wanted this too. Wanted Suzaku on top of him, controlling their pleasure. Suzaku smirked. This wasn't really how he'd envisioned it at all, but… that was the difference between dreams and reality. And this reality was worth a million impossible dreams.

And the way Lelouch groaned and threw back his head, exposing his long elegant neck as Suzaku settled onto him was everything Suzaku could have wanted. "You feel amazing, Lelouch."

"You do too, Suzaku. I…" Lelouch groaned and shifted impatiently under him. "Please, move…"

Suzaku chuckled, still getting used to the feeling of Lelouch back inside him. It wasn't unpleasant, but it was strangely more this time. Perhaps because he hadn't just had an orgasm; perhaps the angle and position. "You're so impatient." He gave a gentle thrust of his hips, watching Lelouch gasp and clench his fists. "It's cute."

"Stop teasing me," Lelouch complained. "Just because you're better at this…"

"Alright." Suzaku smiled. "Sorry." And he lifted himself up and lowered himself back down, carefully. When that worked (rather well, he thought) he did it again, faster and harder, rocking his hips with every motion until it was somehow easy and good and the way Lelouch moaned and bucked under him made everything feel even better. In fact, if Suzaku wasn't mistaken, this was feeling rather close to…

He nearly split his lip, biting down so hard on it as he orgasmed, riding Lelouch through the shockwaves of pleasure and through Lelouch's own orgasm moments later. Just the one this time but the strength of it made up for that.

"Suzaku…" Lelouch looked up at him in stunned disbelief. "That was…"

Suzaku slid off Lelouch, ignoring the wet sticky mess, and just cuddled up to him the way he'd always wanted to when they'd shared a bed as friends. "It was wonderful."

Lelouch smiled. "I'm glad." Suzaku kissed his sweaty forehead and Lelouch closed his eyes in exhaustion and contentment. "I'm so glad, Suzaku."

Yup. That about covered it.


	3. I Just Called To Say

Suzaku woke up first, sore and stiff and rather unreasonably happy.

He was honestly a little relieved that Lelouch wasn't awake yet. That meant that he could look at him, watch over his contented sleep, without having to worry about how Lelouch would react the morning after the night before.

That was the downside of spontaneity, Suzaku supposed. Dealing with the after-effects.

Lelouch groaned slightly and shifted, preparing to wake up. Suzaku, in the split second he had to decide, snuggled up closer. If he was going to be rejected and lose Lelouch's friendship over this, he wanted to get in as much closeness and comfort as possible. He tried to keep the anxiety from his face as Lelouch blinked his way awake, finally focusing on Suzaku's face.

"Morning."

Lelouch smiled and drew Suzaku even closer. "Mmm… Morning." Even with their morning breath, Suzaku thought the kiss was sweet. "How are you feeling?"

"Like we had sex last night. Twice." Suzaku smiled and leaned in for another kiss, smirking when Lelouch indulged him.

"And how, exactly, does that feel?" Lelouch asked as soon as they were done, violet eyes sharp and a little… worried?

…he was so adorable. "Stiff, sore, sticky, satisfied…" Suzaku shifted his grip on Lelouch, sliding a leg between Lelouch's. "And slightly horny."

That surprised a laugh out of Lelouch. "Seriously?" He groaned softly as Suzaku sucked at his throat. "Well… we do have some time…"

Oddly enough, the morning sex seemed to work out most of the kinks in Suzaku's muscles and the endorphin rush eased off the soreness. "Lelouch. Can we wake up every morning like that?"

Lelouch was still trying to catch his breath. "Wouldn't… mind it." He raised his head enough to share a kiss, then lay back down, nestled against Suzaku's breasts. "We really need a shower now."

Suzaku agreed, but… "What time is it?"

"Almost six."

Suzaku kissed Lelouch and hopped out of bed, amazed at how little pain there was now and how much energy he had. "I have to be back on base by seven thirty. I'll just grab a quick shower and run."

"Suzaku, wait."

Suzaku froze as Lelouch sat up. Was this the part where Lelouch took everything back… "Yes?"

Lelouch bit his lip. "What… what happened last night…" oh god "I mean… it was nice and well, really nice and…" here it came… "are we lovers now?"

_What_. "What?"

Lelouch flushed. "I don't want to impose anything, or any labels, on you, but…" he looked up, his eyes soft and vulnerable, "I want to. To be your… I don't know… boyfriend I guess?"

Suzaku laughed – more in relief than anything else, but the way Lelouch was harping on terms. "You wanna do it again?"

"That's not all!" Lelouch was flushed with irritation as well as embarrassment now. "It's not just about the sex, Suzaku."

Ah… but if that were true, why had this happened only after Suzaku turned into a girl? "It isn't for me either, Lelouch," Suzaku assured him. "I… yeah. We're lovers. Okay?"

Lelouch nodded, his eyes narrowed as if he was negotiating a contract rather than exchanging love vows. "Good. So…" He stood up and kissed Suzaku, his hands gently sliding over Suzaku's skin until they rested on his prominent hips. "Have your shower, I'll make you something to eat."

Suzaku didn't want to. Suzaku wanted to stay here and kiss Lelouch some more. Suzaku was going to be late at this rate. "Okay, but–" he stole another kiss "–if I had the choice, we'd be making another mess of your bed."

"Later," Lelouch promised as he let Suzaku go.

The shower was quick, and Suzaku had remembered to bring his clothes in with him this time, and kissing over coffee was nice too and it wasn't until Suzaku left (leaving Lelouch to grab a shower before school) that it really sunk in that _that had happened_. He and Lelouch had had sex and Lelouch wanted him and it felt amazing and…

There was nothing that could take this joy from him.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"…as far as I can tell, that'd be a fully functioning uterus and ovaries."

Lloyd peered at the ultrasound. "Interesting…"

Suzaku swallowed. "So I could… get pregnant?"

"Well… you have all the equipment. No way to tell if it works without… well, _testing _it, but theoretically… yes." Suzaku groaned.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"Suzaku, are you okay?"

"Fine, it's just… work things."

Lelouch sighed. "Suzaku…"

"No, I know…" They didn't talk about Suzaku's work if they could avoid it. Too many fights. "Sorry."

"No problem. Are you… coming over tonight?"

Suzaku sighed. "I don't think so. I have to work tomorrow, so it's not convenient." It wasn't that inconvenient, but the sudden realization that he could get _pregnant_ had changed things. Before, Suzaku hadn't had to address his sex change as anything but an annoying prank that would eventually wear off (…probably) and had opened the door for sex with Lelouch. Now it had the potential to create another human and ruin _both_ their lives. Suzaku had to think about this.

"Alright." Lelouch seemed to take it well enough. "When can I see you again?"

Suzaku hated the way Lelouch's warm voice shot through his body to pool at his groin. Weren't girls supposed to have _less _of a sex drive? "I'll be back in class on Friday."

"Thursday night?" Lelouch pressed.

"…we'll see."

There was a long pause. "Suzaku… you don't have to… we can stop. Having sex, I mean. Whenever you want."

_No, no, no, no…_"That's not it, Lelouch." Suzaku hated this. "I don't want to… I'll see you soon."

"Fine." Lelouch's voice was clipped now, with irritation and impatience. "Let me know when."

"Lelouch, I–" he'd already hung up.

Suzaku turned off his phone and flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He'd never had sex with a friend before. It _complicated _things. That phone call left Suzaku feeling frustrated and wound up and… he slid his hand down his body, over his breasts and stomach and…

Lelouch was mad at him. It hurt. Suzaku bit back a moan as he undid his pants and slipped his hand into his panties. He hated making Lelouch upset, but the more he thought about him, the more Suzaku wanted… he pressed a finger inside himself, gasping at the ease with which it slid in. He was so wet…

He looked at his phone. This was a bad idea. Another finger and Suzaku didn't care, he just wanted…

He pressed 'redial'.

Lelouch picked up on the second ring. "What do you want now?"

Suzaku felt his breath hitch. Even irritated (no, _especially _irritated for some reason) Lelouch's voice turned him on. "Where are you?"

"The living room." Lelouch sounded impatient, like he was going to hang up at any second. "Suzaku, what do you want?" There was a hint of a plea at the end of that, Lelouch clearly frustrated with Suzaku. It was kind of amusing; Suzaku was being _that _kind of girl, with the conflicting messages. It made perfect sense to him, but he just couldn't explain it to Lelouch.

"Can we talk in your room, please?" Suzaku was proud of how even and level that came out, even as he started unbuttoning his shirt with fingers sticky from being inside him. "I think… privacy would be better for this."

There was a long pause before Suzaku heard Lelouch get up. "I'm going."

"Thank you." Suzaku took the opportunity to kick his pants off and unhook his bra, managing to free one arm by the time he heard Lelouch close the bedroom door behind himself.

"I'm alone, Suzaku. You can… you can tell me whatever you were going to say."

Suzaku switched his phone from one hand to the other, finally ridding himself of his shirt. "Lelouch… I'm naked on my bed and wet and I want you to talk to me as I make myself come."

"…_what_?"

"Phone sex, Lelouch." Suzaku slid his free hand down his body, no longer suppressing the moans that built up inside him. "Touch yourself and tell me what you're doing and I'll do the same thing and we'll…" that was enough explanation. "God, my nipples are so hard."

If it hadn't been for Lelouch's breathing, Suzaku wouldn't have known he was there. Was this too far? Would this make him even more upset? Suzaku bit his lip and waited for Lelouch to make the next move, even if it was hanging up on him again.

"You're not breaking up with me?"

"What? No! I…" Suzaku nearly slumped with relief. "I want to be with you, Lelouch. I want you inside me. I just… this is a close as I can get tonight."

Lelouch swallowed audibly over the phone. "Tell me what to do."

Suzaku smirked. "Well… take off your pants…"

There was a brief rustling, then Suzaku heard (_heard_) Lelouch's zipper opening. He must have moved the phone by his pants, and why was _that_ so hot?

Clothes shifting (falling off slender hips, kicked off of shapely ankles) and the sound of Lelouch's breathing, his voice returned. "They're off."

His voice was steady but slightly airy. Suzaku settled onto his stomach, pressing his groin into the bed as one hand started idly playing with his nipple. "Are you hard?"

"No." Lelouch hesitated. "Not yet…" He was getting into the spirit of things. Suzaku grinned.

"If I was there…" dangerous territory. The only reason he wasn't there was because he was scared, and Lelouch knew that he'd chosen not to come over. Still… "If I was with you, I'd touch it." Suzaku licked his lips. "Touch it for me, Lelouch."

Lelouch hissed as he (presumably) did what Suzaku ordered. "Rather be touching you."

"Hmmm…" Suzaku rolled over onto his back and ran his hand down his body. "How?"

"With my hands." Lelouch's dry humour made Suzaku laugh. "Or my mouth… on your face, your neck, your breasts…" His voice was getting tense and Suzaku could imagine him flushing and twitching as his body reacted to the thought. "…this is stupid."

"No! You're doing _really _well…" Suzaku wanted to hear more. "You're making me kind of…" It was only now that he noticed that he'd been trailing his fingers over every part Lelouch had mentioned. "I'm touching myself where you say you want to touch me. I'm doing it for you, Lelouch. Do it for me?"

Lelouch moaned. "Where?"

Suzaku chuckled. "Are you hard?"

"Yes."

"Leaking?"

"Dammit, Suzaku, _yes_."

Suzaku giggled. It sounded more natural as a girl than as a guy. "Then lie back and touch your nipples." He didn't want Lelouch to come just yet.

Lelouch grunted as he presumably followed Suzaku's order. "Now what?"

"…are you just touching them?"

"…yes…"

Suzaku sighed. "Rub them or something. Honestly, Lelouch do I have to do everything?"

"You're not doing–" Lelouch cut himself off, clearly irritated. It was adorable. "If you're just going to make fun of me…"

"No, no." That wasn't _all_ Suzaku was planning on doing. "Your cock–"

"_Suzaku_!"

Okay, _that_ was hilarious. "Well, what do you _want_me to call it?"

"I don't know, just… argh, _fine_, whatever!"

The warmth in Suzaku's stomach had nothing to do with sex. Well… not much to do with sex. "Lelouch…" he could practically see Lelouch's face, flushed in arousal and embarrassment, turned away so that Suzaku couldn't see him… "I'm sorry." _I wish I was there, to watch you, to hold you…_

"It's fine, I said," Lelouch retorted grumpily. "Just… keep going."

Suzaku slid his free hand down his body, playing with his folds but not sliding in yet. "I want to suck you." There was only silence on the other end of the phone line. "I mean… you did it for me and I want to… I want to taste you, to swallow you."

"_Yesss…_" Suzaku wasn't sure if Lelouch was even aware he'd said that. He smiled and pressed a finger, then another, inside himself.

"I'm fucking myself on my fingers, Lelouch. Wish it were you…" Lelouch groaned and Suzaku could faintly hear his mattress creaking under him. "…you're jerking off, right?"

"Of course I am, you…" Lelouch groaned. "H-how many fingers?"

Suzaku slid a third one in. "Three. Still doesn't feel as good as you, though; your cock, your mouth, your tongue…"

Lelouch groaned out Suzaku's name, low and long and almost muffled by something. A pillow perhaps? Suzaku smirked. "Couldn't hold back?"

"Your… fault…"

"Yeah. It is. Sorry, Lelouch, so… keep talking. Get me off?"

Lelouch laughed, dark and warm and Suzaku shuddered. "Maybe I'll just hang up and go to bed." Lelouch was smirking, Suzaku could tell. And his smug voice wound through Suzaku's body, increasing the tension… "Shall I do that? Wish you a good night and hang up?"

"No…" Suzaku was close, he could feel it. If Lelouch wanted begging, Suzaku would be more than happy to oblige in order to get off. "Please, Lelouch, please."

There was a pause. "You're beautiful when you come."

Ohgod. Suzaku didn't say anything, working himself hard.

"I love the way you look, the way you look at me… Suzaku…"

Suzaku didn't hear what came next as his orgasm crashed over him. "Lelouch!"

There was a long pause. Suzaku cleared his throat as he got his breath back. "Thursday night…"

"Yes?"

"…can I take you out?"

"On a _date_?"

"Yeah."

"…yes. Thank you. That sounds lovely."

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

In hindsight, borrowing a dress from Milly may not have been the best idea. They were about the same size in chest and waist, but Milly was significantly shorter. And Suzaku, while more comfortable in skirts then most men, couldn't decide whether to pull the indecently low strapless bodice up or the indecently high mid-thigh hem down. At least he had a shawl. And red looked good on him. And he'd had the forethought to shave his legs.

Lelouch was going to flip out.

Indeed, the moment the door opened, Lelouch's eyes widened. It was funny and pretty at the same time, and Suzaku almost forgot to be worried that his lover was staring at him like he had two heads.

"What are you _wearing_?"

"A dress." Suzaku just smiled sweetly and just barely managed to stop himself from self-consciously smoothing down the fabric. "What do you think?"

Lelouch gaped a moment longer and yanked Suzaku into the house. "Get in here!" Suzaku stumbled a little. Heels would take some getting used to. "Where did you…_ why_ did you…"

"From Milly and I wanted to look pretty for our date." The more Lelouch flailed, the more comfortable Suzaku felt in the dress. Funny how that happened. It was like an inverse embarrassment ratio. "Don't you think I look pretty?" He _very carefully _(heels) twirled around.

The look on Lelouch's face was a priceless mixture of horror and hunger. "It barely covers your behind!"

Suzaku laughed. "You're such a prude." He wound his arms around Lelouch's neck and kissed him. "I just wanted to look good for you."

"You always look good," Lelouch murmured against Suzaku's lips, pulling him in closer and Suzaku figured he was forgiven. "Why don't we stay in? I'll cook something and we can turn in early…" Suzaku groaned as Lelouch's hands slid lower, gripping his bare thighs briefly before moving back up. "It's been two days. I miss you." He ground his hips against Suzaku and Suzaku could feel his budding erection. "I want you."

Suzaku wanted to give in, but… "I wanna take you out, show you off." He likely only had a short time with Lelouch, and that night with the phone sex had convinced him to make the most of that time and try to do everything 'normal' couples did before going back to just being a friend. "I wanna treat you to a night on the town."

"Oh, speaking of…" Lelouch pulled away and Suzaku nearly groaned out loud. He didn't mean they should _stop_! Lelouch dashed to his room, coming back and tossing Suzaku an envelope. "Your winnings."

"What…" Oh, from the fight. Suzaku looked in, his eyes widening. "How much _is _there?"

"A lot." Lelouch sounded insufferably smug. "The prize money, plus 70% of the wager I placed. The odds were _not _in your favour."

Suzaku had never seen that much money before in his life. "I don't… 70%?"

"It's the usual split that Rivalz and I agreed on." Lelouch shrugged. "Usually I'm on the 70% side, but… you did all the work."

That seemed fair. _More _than fair, as Lelouch had set everything up and paid the entrance fee and the wager and… "I'd forgotten all about it."

"Figured you had." Lelouch smiled and tucked the envelope in Suzaku's sparkly silver (borrowed) purse. "Well, then… where to?" He placed his hand on Suzaku's arm, like a Lady being escorted by her Lord.

Suzaku blinked. "Lelouch… what are you doing?"

"Hmm?" Lelouch looked down. "Oh, I just…" He sighed. "If I'd changed into a girl, I'd hate for people to treat me like one. Besides, in those heels you're taller than me."

"You're taking this more seriously than _I_ am, Lelouch.

Lelouch sighed. "I know, I just… You're my friend, Suzaku. I don't want you to change."

Suzaku knew what Lelouch was talking about. He _had_ changed a little. But… "I'm pretty sure you like some of those changes."

Lelouch blushed. "That's just physical. It's not _you_."

"And, physically, I'm a girl," Suzaku pointed out. Lelouch looked steadily at him and Suzaku had the feeling he'd just missed a point. "Fine. Do what you want." He held his head tall as he escorted Lelouch to the cab. "It's my treat anyway." He certainly had enough money…

Lelouch chuckled. "You do know how to show a boy a good time."

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

Suzaku would have picked a fancier restaurant if he'd known he was about to come into so much money. Still, he was a little overdressed in his little red number, and Lelouch was a little underdressed in his black slacks and button-up shirt (except… it _was_ silk…) and Suzaku felt they balanced out well.

Others disagreed.

"Why's he bringing his Eleven whore here?"

"Honestly, I thought they served _people_ here, not _monkeys_."

"…I wonder how much she costs…"

Lelouch, suddenly stone faced and a perfect gentleman, held out Suzaku's chair. Suzaku shot him a look – half apologetic, half apprehensive – before sitting down. He hadn't expected this at all. He felt like he probably should have.

"Here are your menus. Please call if you have any questions." A perfunctory bow and the server retreated faster than was polite.

"I'm sorry." Suzaku looked down at his menu. "We can go somewhere else if you like."

He felt, rather than saw, Lelouch's hand lightly brush against the back of his; caressing for a moment, then scooping Suzaku's hand up to press a kiss against his palm. "You wanted to show me off, didn't you? Well… maybe I feel the same."

"But…" There was no pride in having an Eleven by your side, Suzaku knew. He really should have thought this through before making those reservations.

Lelouch lowered their hands and laced their fingers together. "I'm not ashamed of any of my friends, Suzaku, no matter what people think of them or me." He smiled. "And, honestly, most of the men muttering about us are envious of me." His smile widened. "And most of the women are jealous of you."

That shouldn't have made Suzaku feel that much better. But it did. Lelouch had a way with words, and also his hand was warm.

"Um… we should order, then." Suzaku looked away, but could still feel Lelouch's fond smile directed at him.

Their food was hot and fresh and came admirably quickly. Suzaku was about to compliment the service when he saw Lelouch's irritated eyebrow twitch. "What?"

"Would sir and madame care for dessert?"

"No, just bring the bill." Lelouch still looked irritated. Suzaku frowned curiously at him. Lelouch sighed. "They're pushing us out."

…oh. The speedy service, the hot food, the constant refills of their drinks… "And you're… okay with this?" Suzaku knew that Lelouch was capable of bowing his head if he felt that was in service of his pride, but this just seemed like he was letting it go too easily.

Lelouch just shrugged. "The food was good, the conversation was good, but there's a legal limit to what we're permitted in a restaurant."

Suzaku worked his way through that. "You're talking about sex."

"I am indeed."

"…where's that bill?"

Suzaku paid (which raised quite a few eyebrows, and led to Lelouch smirking at _everyone_) and they left, quickly hailing a taxi and clambering in. Lelouch gave directions to the Honorary Britannian driver as Suzaku reached for his seatbelt.

"I'm sorry that didn't work ou-hmgph…" Suzaku's apology fell on deaf ears and was swallowed by Lelouch's tongue.

The driver didn't even look back. "No sex in the backseat."

"We won't." Lelouch pushed Suzaku down, still kissing him. "Wait. Is cunillinguis sex?"

"I don't know what that is. So yes."

Lelouch pouted, so Suzaku kissed him and pushed him back so that he was on top. "How about fellatio?" Lelouch gasped. "Well… I owe you, don't I?"

"You paid for supper. Shouldn't I be the one putting out?" Lelouch shot back with a smirk.

"Trust me." Suzaku laughed as he shifted against Lelouch, kissing him deeply. "We'll get to that."

"You two having fun back there?"

"Yes!" Their voices rang out together, followed by a breathless laugh.

"Fine. No blow jobs."

Suzaku pouted and Lelouch laughed at him. "We'll get to that…" he whispered against Suzaku's lips as he wound his arms around Suzaku to pull him closer and let him press him into the seat.

By the time they arrived at their destination, Suzaku's skirt was bunched up over his waist as he straddled Lelouch's lap and Lelouch's face was buried in his chest, licking and nuzzling the soft skin there. Neither of them noticed the car stopping or anything outside of each other until the door opened. "Fare."

Suzaku fumbled for his purse as Lelouch straightened up his dress as best he could. "H-here." It was a substantial tip, but Suzaku was too embarrassed to even notice. "Thanks."

The cab driver gave him an appreciative look before Lelouch grabbed his arm and dragged him inside, pressing him against the doorway. "Need you now, Suzaku."

Suzaku moaned as Lelouch worked off his panties. "Okay."

The trip to Lelouch's room seemed to take forever as they stumbled against each other, tugging at clothes to get to skin. Suzaku, in a rare lucid moment, wondered how much worse this would be if they'd had anything to drink. Then they were at Lelouch's door and the complicated mechanics of opening it as Lelouch pulled his dress down to pool around his ankles took all Suzaku's attention.

"Bed," Suzaku growled as Lelouch groped him and tried to press him against the door.

"Right." Lelouch's pupils were blown and his pants were undone but still on, but at least his shirt was off and Suzaku could easily tug his pants and underwear down enough to free his erection. "_Suzaku_…"

Suzaku threw himself back on the bed, pulling Lelouch on top of him as they kissed and Suzaku tried to wiggle out of his strapless bra and Lelouch kicked off his pants. "Lelouch… hang on a second…"

"Don't want to," Lelouch groaned, but stopped, propping himself up as Suzaku tossed the bra aside, but still held Lelouch back form restarting anything. "What now?"

"Just give me a moment." Suzaku reached for his purse, fumbling it open and fishing out a row of condoms. "There."

Lelouch started at them, then at Suzaku. "…seriously?"

"You can never be too careful," Suzaku said. He'd rehearsed the line before so that he didn't end up blurting out 'I don't want to get pregnant!' right before they had sex.

It seemed to work in any case, as Lelouch shrugged and sat back, allowing Suzaku to slip the rubber over his erection before positioning himself at Suzaku's entrance and thrusting in.

It was too fast, too rough, and Suzaku _loved _it. "More, Lelouch…" He was wet enough that Lelouch was able to move despite how forcefully his body had instinctively clenched around the invasion. "Harder…"

"I'm trying," Lelouch grunted. "God, it's so tight…" His hips pulled back only to shoot forward as soon as he had enough distance, going for frequency and depth rather than accuracy. It still felt amazing, as Suzaku arched against the bed and tightened his thighs around Lelouch's hips. "_Fuck_, Suzaku…"

"Yeah," Suzaku moaned, his eyes shut tight against the pleasure. "That's… yeah, Lelouch…" A fist in his hair was his only warning before Lelouch's lips crashed against his and the change in angle made him convulse and flung his legs around Lelouch's back, holding him there. "_Ohgod_, right there, Lelouch… _YES_!"

Sex had never been like this before, with the transition from pleasant friction, enjoying the togetherness and the look on Lelouch's face and the way he lost control, to the frantic build-up of pressure, coiling in his loins as Lelouch's cock and abdomen and hands and tongue seemed to stoke every single erogenous zone in his body at once.

Suzaku had noticed that it seemed to take a while for girls to build up to their orgasm when he was with them. He was used to holding back until they'd been pleasured. Be had _no idea_ why he seemed to be so goddamn easy in Lelouch's hands, clenching and spasming and screaming out his orgasm as Lelouch pounded into him. It never once occurred to him to hold back or hold it in. This was Lelouch. He wanted to give him _everything_.

As Lelouch collapsed against Suzaku after his own orgasm, Suzaku gently brushed his hair out of his face and kissed his forehead. "I love you, Lelouch."


	4. Shocked and Surprised

The words had just slipped out. Lelouch lifted his head and looked at Suzaku, his eyes wide. "Suzaku…"

Before he could say another word, Suzaku kissed him. "Don't. I didn't say it for that." He'd actually planned on confessing at dinner, surrounded by candlelight and soft conversations and over a nice meal. But that atmosphere had been distinctly lacking at that restaurant. The last thing Suzaku had wanted, however, was to confess right after (or before or during) sex. It just didn't seem appropriate.

But he had.

And Lelouch looked like he wanted to answer the confession, probably with something kind and affectionate, and Suzaku didn't want to hear it. He was fine with the fact that Lelouch loved his body – he was happy about it, in fact. But he hated that once he went back to himself, this infatuation would end.

He hoped, dearly, that they could at least still be friends. After all, Lelouch had had far better reasons to dissolve their friendship than sexual misadventures.

"…you look sad."

Suzaku shook his head, avoiding Lelouch's gaze. "I'm not. I'm happy right now, really Lelouch." He smiled and it was teary, but genuine. "Just… don't forget I said that, but don't answer it either. I don't want anything more than you've already given me."

"What I've given you…" Lelouch repeated softly, shaking his head with a rueful smile and kissing Suzaku's cheek. "You're such a…" he sighed. "Fine. It's the least I could do."

Besides the overwhelming relief, Suzaku felt a stab of disappointment. "Thank you."

"Hmm." Lelouch curled up against Suzaku, frowning as he shifted uncomfortably until he peeled the condom off. "That was… it worked okay."

"Did it still feel good?"

Lelouch chuckled. "Oh, yes, Suzaku." He grinned and kissed him again. "It definitely felt good." Suzaku smiled into the kiss. "You know…" Lelouch continued thoughtfully, "I've always loved you."

Suzaku felt his breath catch.

"You're the second most important person in my life, Suzaku, after Nunnally. How could I do anything _but _love you?"

Suzaku didn't have an answer to that. And while he'd always cherished the brotherly love that he and Lelouch had shared, that hadn't been what he had been talking about. This was almost exactly the kind gesture Suzaku hadn't wanted Lelouch to make. "Thank you." Suzaku fished around for a subject change. "Speaking of Nunnally, I didn't see her when I came over."

"She and Sayoko-san were kind enough to give us some privacy." That made sense. No matter how randy Lelouch was feeling, he would never have risked stripping in the halls if his little sister could have walked in on him. "So we could be as loud as we wanted."

Suzaku flushed, remembering just how loud he'd been. "…you mean we _can_ be as loud as we _want_."

Lelouch grinned. "That too." Suzaku swallowed that grin in a kiss, then another as he pinned Lelouch to the bed.

_I love you, I love you, love you, love you, loveyou…_Suzaku refused to let those words escape again, muffling them and his groans against Lelouch's skin as he rubbed himself against Lelouch's returning erection. This was enough. It would have to be, Suzaku decided as he reached for the condoms and tried to pretend that the tightness in his stomach was all from arousal and not from a strange kind of grief.

It was easier when he looked into Lelouch's eyes and saw the genuine affection under the lust and hunger. When Lelouch kissed him and flipped them over, Suzaku went willingly, spreading his legs and trying not to cry as Lelouch pressed into him; less hurried, more careful, and so tender it made Suzaku's throat tighten.

_I'm so damn in love with you_… "You can move, Lelouch."

"I know, I just… I just want to look at you for a moment."

Suzaku wanted to turn away, but he was caught by Lelouch's adoring gaze. And, just at that moment, he didn't care that it wouldn't last. "Lelouch…" He reached up and pulled Lelouch down into a kiss, moaning shamelessly as Lelouch started moving.

When it was over and Lelouch slept, Suzaku stroked his hair and put everything into perspective. He needed to take every moment with Lelouch as it was, without worrying about the future. After all, given his job, he could possibly end up dead before he ended up male.

…comforting thought, that.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

Suzaku woke to the sound of Lelouch's alarm, feeling simultaneously like he'd had the best sleep in his life, but still tired. True, the hours spent gazing at Lelouch's sleeping face might have cut into Suzaku's sleep time, but they had been _totally _worth it.

Lelouch moaned and groped around for the sleep button, burying his face back in Suzaku's neck and sliding his hands over Suzaku's naked thighs and back before snuggling closer to him.

It was adorable. "We have to get up, Lelouch."

"Not yet." Lelouch's voice was muffled by Suzaku's skin. "Five more minutes."

Suzaku kissed Lelouch's head and slid out of his arms. "Take your time. I'll get breakfast started and grab a shower."

His stomach still felt weirdly fluttery as he grabbed a robe and snuck out of Lelouch's room as Lelouch shifted malcontentedly on the bed, searching for Suzaku's warmth. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling exactly, but…

…no. It _was _unpleasant. It wasn't dread or fear or anything emotional. If anything, if felt like…

Rather than start the coffee maker, Suzaku hurried into the bathroom, deeply regretting going to that restaurant. If they'd done something to his food that made him feel this way, what about Lelouch's?

He was seated on the toilet when another wave of cramps came over him, leaving him curled up slightly, but without the urge to go. It got better on its own, something that rarely happened with food poisoning, and Suzaku was more confused than ever.

And then he stood up.

His first thought, through a veil of horror, was that the sex hadn't been _that_ rough! He might have expected a small amount of blood right after the fact, but Lelouch had been very careful and gentle the second time and Suzaku had more than enjoyed it.

But this… it was tracking down his thighs and there were clots and…

Another wave of cramps left Suzaku gripping the sink. He had no idea what was going on. Where was all this blood coming from? He wasn't in any pain, at least not aside from his stomach cramps, and there was no reason for it!

Suzaku stepped into the shower and turned it on, not even waiting for the water to warm up before washing up vehemently. As soon as he was clean, he bit his lip and gingerly slid a finger inside himself, looking for the source of the bleeding.

Nothing hurt. He dislodged more clots and there was a general feeling of sliminess, but nothing that felt raw or torn. Suzaku pensively watched the pink water run down the drain before the obvious (_so _obvious) conclusion came to him.

He was menstruating.

The feeling of relief was overwhelming, but it was soon followed by an acute discomfort and a kind of disgust at what his body was doing. This wasn't anything he knew anything about, and nothing he'd ever really planned to know anything about. It was alien and strange and…

"This isn't me," Suzaku whispered. He didn't bleed when he wasn't injured, or cramp for no reason, or have breasts, or the potential to get pregnant or…

He legs gave out and he slumped down, letting the water hit the back of his neck as he bowed his head. It was just too much. He buried his face in his hands and started crying quietly.

He must have missed Lelouch's knock or the door opening, because the next thing he knew Lelouch was turning the faucets off and pulling Suzaku towards him in a careful embrace. "What's wrong, what happened?" Lelouch gasped. "Suzaku, you're bleeding…"

Suzaku desperately tried to get himself under control. "I-it's not that…" He swallowed hard. "I'm having my first period Lelouch." He laughed and it was broken. "Congratulate me, I'm finally blossoming into a woman."

Lelouch didn't say anything or move for a long while, and Suzaku wondered if he'd finally managed to make Lelouch speechless. He felt another sob welling up and shifted, torn between wanting to muffle himself against Lelouch's shoulder and wanting desperately to pull away, retreat, run away before Lelouch could reject him or, even worse, look at him with pity or disgust.

Before he could, though, Lelouch's graceful hand came and cupped his chin up, raising Suzaku's lips to press a searing, demanding kiss on him.

Suzaku almost struggled against him, and knew that he would have won, but _this_ was the only good thing that had come from his change and it was suddenly more important than ever. He kissed Lelouch back hungrily, almost angrily demanding that Lelouch _make this worth it_.

And Lelouch seemingly got that message, leaning over to get closer to Suzaku, ignoring his damp pyjamas and awkward angle in favour of just _kissing_ him. "Suzaku…"

Suzaku pushed Lelouch away, still breathing hard. "I'm okay now. Thanks."

Lelouch nodded. "I'll be back with some stuff. Rinse off and start drying yourself and I'll be back soon." He hesitated, barely a second, before leaning in to kiss Suzaku one more time, lightly. "We'll handle this, Suzaku."

It wasn't quite the same promise Lelouch had made when this first started ("We'll fix this") but it was close enough that Suzaku found himself believing it. "I know, Lelouch. It's… I'm glad you're here. I wouldn't want to go through this alone."

Lelouch kissed him again, still soft but more lingering and Suzaku wanted it to go on, just softly kissing Lelouch over and over again until everything just solved itself. Lelouch pulled away far too soon in his opinion. "I'll be back."

Suzaku nodded and turned the shower back on, rinsing off the blood and quickly soaping the rest of his body before Lelouch got back. He was still wet and dripping when Lelouch handed him a towel. "Here. Just dry off your upper body for now."

Lelouch had brought Suzaku a pair of underwear and a selection of products. Suzaku picked out a panty liner and decided the tampons were a little too advanced for him as Lelouch fetched more clothes. Loose pants and a t-shirt and not Suzaku's uniform.

"We're taking today off." Lelouch's tone brooked no argument. "You're in no shape to do anything right now except stay with me and drink warm things and eat chocolate."

"…how do you know so much about this stuff?"

Lelouch smiled. "I do have a sister." He kissed Suzaku's nose. "Her mood swings are rather less spectacular than yours."

After breaking down and crying in the shower, Suzaku couldn't really argue that. "Are you sure you want to stay with me? I'm all moody and uncomfortable and I don't think I'll be good company…"

"Yes, I'm sure." Lelouch kissed Suzaku's nose again and, as endearing as it was, Suzaku was beginning to feel a little patronized. "I want to take care of you, Suzaku. I want to cook for you and fetch for you and if you're sore I can massage your back or…" his hand slipped into Suzaku's shirt, sliding lightly over Suzaku's stomach, "other places…" Suzaku gasped as that hand slid lower, brushing against his pubic hair.

"Lelouch!" Suzaku yanked him out. "That's… ugh. We can't have sex like this." Apart from the unhygienic grossness, Suzaku was feeling almost too… female to want to have sex. He'd had no trouble with Lelouch slamming into him last night, but now it was different. Not that he wasn't a bit aroused…

Lelouch seemed to get that too. "Maybe not. Doesn't mean we can't have fun." He lightly brushed his fingers over Suzaku's nipples (smirking when that immediately made them perk up) and Suzaku wondered if they were even _more_ sensitive than usual.

He growled, the sound strange coming from his female throat, and pressed Lelouch against the sink, rutting against him as Lelouch's leg hooked around his hip, pulling him closer. They both moaned into each other's mouths before locking lips in a harsh kiss that seemed to last forever as Lelouch's hands clutched at Suzaku's hair and Suzaku's held Lelouch's hips firmly in place.

It wasn't a good position to have sex in. But it was _exactly_ what Suzaku wanted right now; Lelouch reacting to him, opening to him, under his control…

If he'd had a cock, it would have been hard, rubbing against Lelouch's erection. But he didn't; all he had was a flat stomach and a currently useless vagina. It was frustrating enough without Lelouch's cutesy kisses and teasing touches. But the way Lelouch clutched at him, crying out and pliant as Suzaku physically dominated him was just what Suzaku had needed.

It was perfect until Lelouch pulled away with a gasp and wide eyes.

"…does this mean you can get _pregnant_?"

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

After Lelouch had _thoroughly _ruined the mood, he went to get dressed in something not soaked (he'd thrown on his pyjamas before coming into the bathroom) and call the school to inform them that he and Suzaku would not be attending that day.

Suzaku started the coffee and tried to find a comfortable position. He succeeded at the first, but by the time Lelouch joined him he still hadn't managed the second. Lelouch kissed him and ran the hot water tap as he rummaged around for something. "Go lie down on the couch. I'll join you in a minute."

He returned as promised, with a hot water bottle for Suzaku's cramping abdomen and a blanket and a few more kisses. Suzaku wanted to say that he appreciated the kisses the most, but the water bottle was _heavenly_. He sighed as he felt tense muscles unwinding. "That's nice… thank you, Lelouch."

Lelouch kissed him lightly. "Stop that. I'm tending to you today, so no need for thanks." He passed Suzaku the remote and settled on the floor in front of him, leaning back against the couch. "Here, find something to watch."

Suzaku turned on the TV and flipped channels until he finally stopped on a news program. "There's nothing on."

Lelouch looked critically at the clock. "Well, it _is _nine in the morning. I could go put on a movie."

Rather than answer, Suzaku turned the TV off and placed the remote carefully on the arm of the couch before gently resting his hand on Lelouch's head. Lelouch looked up, curiously.

"I'm fine, Lelouch." A finger on his lips stopped Lelouch before he could argue. "Really, I am. I'm sore and it's weird and I'm not a huge fan of being a girl right now, but I don't need you to hover over me." Lelouch's lips thinned to a line and Suzaku gently tucked his hair behind his ear, petting him. "I appreciate everything, really, but I'm not fragile."

"You were crying in the shower," Lelouch pointed out with damnable logic.

Suzaku laughed. "I'm used to controlling my hormones, Lelouch." _And how._ "Just not _these_ hormones." The petting became caressing and Lelouch leaned gently into Suzaku's touch. "It was a moment. It's passed. I'm _fine_ now."

"Hmm…" Lelouch answered noncommittally as he gently nuzzled Suzaku's hand. "Can I kiss you?"

"You never asked before."

"I'm asking now." Lelouch leaned in, his eyes dark.

Suzaku shivered. "Yes."

The kiss was hard and wet and searing, rushing through Suzaku's body like lightning. Lelouch groaned into the kiss and changed the angle slightly as he pressed in even harder, until the pressure was practically bruising. Suzaku could feel his lips swelling, could feel _Lelouch's_ lips swelling, and somehow it wasn't enough. His hand was buried in Lelouch's hair, pressing him closer; Lelouch's hand was on his side for balance, but it was moving up and around and cupping his breast and…

"Oh!" As much as Suzaku tried to muffle it, the cry of something that wasn't really pleasure had Lelouch immediately backing off, both hands and lips, despite the grip in his hair.

"Are you okay?"

Suzaku felt like an idiot. "Yeah, they're just… somehow even _more _sensitive right now." He grinned sheepishly. "The kissing was pretty fantastic, though."

Lelouch watched him carefully, as if checking to see if he was telling the truth, before finally nodding. "Sorry."

"No, you couldn't have known. _I _barely knew. Can we go back to the kissing?" Suzaku asked wistfully.

After considering it for a moment, Lelouch shook his head. "If we're not really doing anything except…" he blushed "fooling around…" Suzaku hid a grin. Lelouch was so adorable. "Then it would be more comfortable to do so in my room."

Formal words to hide embarrassment. Lelouch was _too _adorable. "Alright. I'll meet you there, I just want to… change."

Lelouch nodded and stood. A little stiffly, Suzaku noticed. He also noticed that his pants weren't hanging _quite_ right. He grinned; this would be a _perfect _opportunity.

Suzaku caught Lelouch's arm before he could walk off and kissed him. "I won't be long, so wait for me." He cupped his hand over Lelouch's groin, pleased with both the hardness he felt and the moan Lelouch bit back. "I have plans."

One last kiss and Suzaku sauntered past his stunned lover, smiling at how _easy _that had been.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

Once he entered Lelouch's room, Suzaku was faced with a decision. Maul Lelouch or get rid of this already too-warm t-shirt.

It was only going to get warmer, so Suzaku tossed off his shirt as he stalked towards the bed where Lelouch was sitting.

"Oh god," Lelouch managed to get out, his eyes huge and his mouth open in an appreciative gape as Suzaku bend down to capture it in a deep, but not particularly hard, kiss.

Lelouch's hands twitched at his sides, clearly wanting to touch, but cautious. That was fine; Suzaku didn't really want Lelouch to touch him right now. This wasn't about that.

He moved his mouth over Lelouch's jaw, nipping lightly when he got to the earlobe. "Shirt and pants _off_."

Lelouch whimpered slightly as he tore his shirt off the moment Suzaku pulled away to kneel at Lelouch's feet, unzipping his pants. "Suzaku, what…"

"Shh, no questions." Suzaku looked up sharply. "I only want to hear compliments or complaints." Lelouch's mouth snapped shut and Suzaku smirked up at him as he tugged at Lelouch's waistband until Lelouch lifted up his hips to allow Suzaku to pull them off. Suzaku swallowed any comment regarding Lelouch's choice of underwear (at this point he was hardly in a position to call anything 'girly') as he slipped them down and lifted Lelouch out.

He was more than half hard and gasped the moment Suzaku touched him. "Suzaku…"

Suzaku grinned. "Hey, Lelouch? There's no one here, so… don't hold back." Lelouch's eyes widened as Suzaku ducked his head and took him into his mouth.

It wasn't anything particularly new to Suzaku (he'd done this before, as a guy) but it _felt_ different. It… it maybe tasted different? Something like that.

What was definitely different was the way Lelouch arched and spread his legs, his hands gripping the sheets under him as he barely bit back a surprised shout. This was so obviously his first time… Suzaku wasn't sure he even had any _concept _of this beyond the abstract. It was, in its own way, as thrilling as the first time Lelouch had fucked him.

Only now, Suzaku was in _complete_ control.

He sucked lightly and pulled off slowly, letting his tongue linger for a moment, dancing over the head before licking his lips as he smirked up at Lelouch.

"I told you, Lelouch. Don't hold back."

Lelouch stared down at Suzaku. "But I… it feels good, Suzaku, but…"

Suzaku's smirk gentled as he reached up to stroke Lelouch's cheek. "I cried out for you, Lelouch. I want to hear you crying out for me."

Lelouch's flush, already red, deepened and he nodded. "I… alright."

…that was easy. Suzaku paused, looking up at the way Lelouch was biting his lower lip and realized something; as much as it might embarrass him, Lelouch wanted to please him as much as Suzaku wanted to please Lelouch. It was so… He reared up and kissed Lelouch. "I love you so much."

Lelouch opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out but a strangled gasp as Suzaku took him back in his mouth, sucking more ardently and aggressively. "Oh, _oh_, Suzaku…" Suzaku could see one of Lelouch's hands unclenching from the sheets as he raised it up and smirked as he anticipated the pressure of Lelouch's hand in his hair, pushing him down.

It never came. Suzaku continued to suck, breathing through his nose as he took in more and more, bit by bit, but Lelouch's hand just hovered in mid air as his gasps and moans became more desperate and his hips started trembling and canting up, thrusting almost against Lelouch's will into Suzaku's mouth until he arched and came, completely unexpectedly, his hand falling not on Suzaku's head to press him down, but on Suzaku's shoulder, holding on as if searching for an anchor.

Suzaku, used to being held down as his partner fucked his mouth, wasn't sure what it meant, but knew that it was just one of the many things that had made that so special.

He kissed his way up Lelouch's chest, catching Lelouch's lips in a gentle open kiss as he pressed him back against the bed. Lelouch moved almost bonelessly, willing and pliant in Suzaku's hands.

Suzaku pulled away, curled up against Lelouch's side as he stroked his hair, revelling in his post-coital stunned expression. "Thank you."

"You're thanking _me_?" Lelouch managed to get out, still slightly stunned. He reached for Suzaku, pulling him in for another kiss. "How do you keep getting more amazing?"

Suzaku chuckled, sliding his hand down Lelouch's side to rest, slightly possessively, on his hip. "I have a great incentive." He smirked and leaned in for a third kiss when he heard footsteps. "Lelouch, do you–"

The door flew open. "Skipping again! Honestly, Lulu, I–"

Shirley stopped mid-diatribe, staring at the scene in front of her. Milly, hot on her heels, took over from where she left off. "We'll be in the kitchen, join us when you're ready."

As the door slammed shut, Lelouch buried his face in Suzaku's shoulder. "Oh god."


	5. Only a Fool Takes Things for Granted

"It's not what it looked like."

Suzaku stood beside Lelouch, letting him talk. He didn't really mind everyone (and he meant _everyone_) knowing about him and Lelouch, but he figured Lelouch probably would.

Milly raised an elegant eyebrow. "You mean you and Suzaku _weren't_ having hot steamy sex?"

Rivalz, who'd also come but been spared the sight of Lelouch and Suzaku together, choked on the drink Lelouch, acting as the perfect host, had given him.

"Oh, no, that happened," Lelouch said easily. "But we're not skipping. Suzaku's ill."

"And you thought you'd make him better," Milly said, clearly sceptical. "With your cock."

"_President_!"

Lelouch shot Shirley an apologetic look. "I'm sorry you walked in on that. Although knocking would have been nice… But Suzaku is genuinely feeling unwell today. We weren't planning on… on that, but it just kind of happened."

Milly still didn't look convinced. "You don't look sick," she said to Suzaku.

Lelouch was skirting around the issue. Suzaku sighed deeply. "I just started my period today."

Shirley's embarrassment and Milly's scepticism immediately passed as identical looks of _complete_ sympathy washed over their faces. "Your first time? How are you?"

"I'm… it's fine. I wasn't sure what was happening at first, and it's a little weird, but… you almost get used to the pain."

Rivalz snorted. "Seriously? You're in the military, man! It can't be that bad."

"Say that once you've had someone kick your balls one week out of four," Milly retorted.

"It's not really like that," Suzaku said thoughtfully. Rivalz shot Milly a triumphant look. "It's more like having your balls squeezed at random intervals with varying degrees of force. And sometimes twisted. With a touch of food poisoning."

Milly smirked. "And Suzaku is really the only person who can compare. So." Rivalz looked completely disgruntled.

Lelouch cleared his throat. "None of this explains why you're all here."

"We're using our lunch break to check in on you," Milly explained. "You skip so often it's almost expected at this point, but you don't often drag Suzaku down with you." She smirked. "Figuratively speaking, of course."

"Of course." Lelouch shot her a sour gaze. "But Suzaku _is _unwell and I'm helping him through this."

"…with your cock."

Suzaku snickered. Somehow it was funnier the second time.

"Um… excuse me, but shouldn't we start referring to Suzaku as 'her' not 'him'?" Shirley asked tentatively. "I mean… I feel weird talking about 'his' period."

"I feel weird talking about periods at all," Rivalz added glumly.

Lelouch couldn't decide who to glare at, so he just generally glared. "Suzaku is still a male, just in a female's body."

"I… I don't mind," Suzaku said. Everyone turned to him. "I mean… it'll be weird going out and having people talk to and about me like I'm a guy when I look like this. If it makes things easier…"

"You're not–" Lelouch cut himself off looking away, clearly upset. Suzaku felt guilty (and sad and angry and a little hungry – he _was _more emotional than usual) but didn't say anything. It really was getting silly, considering he was doing everything a girl did. He had to come to terms with it; he simply wasn't a guy anymore.

Milly looked at him carefully. "You're sure?" Suzaku nodded. "Well then… I guess you'll have to dress as a guy for the crossdressing festival!" She grinned, looking comically relieved. "That's a load off my mind, let me tell you!"

Suzaku grinned back, pleased that she, at least, was happy with him.

After they left for the afternoon classes, Lelouch sat with Suzaku, awkwardly not talking.

"Lelouch…"

"It's your decision. I'll follow whatever you want."

Suzaku kissed his cheek. "I don't care what you call me or how you think of me, as long as you have room for me in your life."

Lelouch turned to him, looking genuinely shocked. "That was never… Suzaku," he leaned over and pressed a firm kiss on Suzaku's lips, "that was never, _ever_ in question."

Suzaku let out a breath, surprised at how relieved he felt, and kissed Lelouch back, letting the sheer joy of being with him wash over him.

That night they slept together, clothed bodies nevertheless pressed close together as they rested with their limbs tangled around each other.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"That _is _interesting…" Lloyd trailed off and Suzaku flushed. It was one thing to tell Milly and Shirley (and Rivalz) about his menstrual cycle; it was entirely different to tell Lloyd and have him react like a scientist with a particularly interesting specimen.

…which was what Suzaku, essentially, was. Suzaku just had to accept that.

"So can I still pilot the Lancelot?"

"Hmm? Oh, of course! Females have to deal with this all the time! Well… 25% of the time." Lloyd's eyes unfocused. "…none of the animal models went into heat… I'll need to call this in…"

Suzaku really didn't want to hear anymore. "That's great. So what am I doing today?"

"Talk to Cecile; she has a few adjustments she wants to test out."

Suzaku bowed and backed away, ignoring Lloyd's more esoteric mumblings on the scientific implication of his body spontaneously bleeding. It was personal and uncomfortable and, while Suzaku was used to his abilities being examined under a microscope, he wasn't used to his bodily functions being similarly tested.

Cecile was far more sympathetic. "Let me know if you need a break. Be sure to keep well-hydrated."

Suzaku nodded, then hesitated. "Um… Cecile-san? I kind of… my flightsuit doesn't feel like it fits the same. Is that normal?"

"Bloating." Cecile nodded sincerely. "It's not uncommon. It'll go down in a few days."

"Thanks." That did make Suzaku feel better – both that it was 'normal' and that it would resolve. He was really lowering his expectations nowadays.

Except with Lelouch. Suzaku found himself refusing to give up on the gains his surprise transformation had given him with Lelouch, period or not. Despite the fact that he was still bleeding and basically useless from the waist down, he still insisted on pulling Lelouch aside (even occasionally during school) for frantic make-out sessions or blow jobs, one even on the roof of the school.

After Lelouch's orgasm (his back arching against the chain link fence, his cock deep down Suzaku's throat, his cry ringing out loud enough that Suzaku was _sure_ they'd get caught) he looked down at Suzaku, sated and pleased, but with an undercurrent of concern. He reached out and threaded his fingers through Suzaku's hair and Suzaku leaned into the caress. Lelouch never grabbed his hair while Suzaku was sucking him – he'd said something about how it felt too good and Suzaku… didn't really understand, but he did appreciate the sentiment. Still, he did love it when Lelouch touched him.

He stood up, tucking Lelouch back in before pressing his body against Lelouch's and indulging in a deep kiss. That was another thing; Lelouch never complained about kissing Suzaku after he was sucked off… a lot of people really disliked it and Suzaku was beginning to wonder if Lelouch was just accepting what Suzaku wanted.

It would explain the odd look in his eyes after Suzaku made him come.

Well, the only way to find out was to ask. "Lelouch, are you… is this okay?"

"Of course it is!" Lelouch exclaimed too quickly and too loudly. Suzaku looked away and Lelouch sighed. "I mean… To be honest, I'd rather it was something more… _mutual_. Not that I don't really enjoy the…" Lelouch waved his hand. "With your mouth, and all. But I want to do something for you too."

He was so sweet. "You are doing something for me, trust me," Suzaku assured Lelouch. Orgasms were great, they _really _were, but since turning into a girl (and losing most of his testosterone) Suzaku had found that kissing and cuddling and making Lelouch cry out in pleasure was just as good as coming in its own away. "I really like this, and I really like being with you, and I am more than content with our arrangement."

Lelouch did not look convinced. "When can I… when is your period over?"

It had been about five days since Suzaku had started, and he'd noticed a distinct slowing down and a lack of bright red fresh blood. "Soon." Lelouch looked almost pleased and Suzaku made a decision. "Tonight. I'll come over tonight." He could take a shower before and after. "I'm… looking forward to it as well."

Lelouch's sharp grin and hard kiss were already reward enough.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

It may have been that Suzaku's hormones were levelling out, or that he was finally getting regular sex from a considerate partner who was willing to follow his lead and experiment to an extent, but either way, he was feeling much more mellow when Lloyd introduced him to a short skinny man in a white lab coat whose eyes were sharp and curious behind thick glasses. Dr. John Grant was a university friend of Lloyd's and a biologic researcher. Basically, he was the one responsible for the formula that changed Suzaku into a girl, and for getting it into Lloyd's hands in the first place.

Suzaku, strangely enough, didn't want to kill him. He might have a week ago, but he was feeling much more level now.

It had been two weeks since his transformation and Suzaku was beginning to settle into the idea of being a girl, but if this man could more accurately predict when he'd change back, Suzaku would really appreciate it. There were things he liked about being female but, while it was a nice sex to visit, he didn't really want to live it.

Unfortunately, Dr. Grant was less than encouraging.

"Given that you're the first test subject who's gone through a reproductive cycle, it's impossible to tell how that kind of hormonal shock to the system will affect the treatments." Dr. Grant peered at Suzaku curiously. "This is a unique opportunity, however… how to you feel about pregnancy?"

Suzaku gaped. "…it's fine, I guess. For _other people_."

Dr. Grant sniffed. "Closed minded. I have no idea how you work with these people, Lloyd."

"I know!" Lloyd looked long-suffering. "And Suzaku's usually so compliant."

"I'm not getting pregnant for you." Suzaku was mostly impressed that he was able to say that as calmly as he did. "So… there's no clue when I'll change back?"

Dr. Grant nodded. "Or even if! Frankly, the likelihood of reproductive potential has increased substantially just from this evidence of a functional uterus and cycling hormones. Theoretically, your body may adapt to being female and remain that way, setting a new baseline." He shrugged. "Or it could wear off tomorrow. You _are_ the first human subject."

Great. Again, a week ago, that might have sent Suzaku into despair. Now it just made him resigned. "I see."

With the same odd almost-sympathy that Lloyd occasionally had (more of an acknowledgement that something vague and incomprehensible was upsetting rather than genuine empathy) Dr. Grant awkwardly patted Suzaku's shoulder. "There there." He hesitated before adding another "There."

Suzaku wished Cecile had come in for this discussion.

"Incidentally, how's the bottom line doing?"

Lloyd brightened up. "Oh, Suzaku-chan has peaked at 99%, where Suzaku-kun's best ever was a mere 98%!"

Suzaku frowned. "…isn't that within the margin of error?"

"Hush. So overall, it's been a huge success!"

"…in fact, wouldn't 98% to 100% be within measurable error? So there's no way that this experiment of yours could have possibly succeeded to a scientific standard?"

"I said hush."

"…she's _sassy_."

Lloyd sighed. "Suzaku was such a sweet and obedient boy." He leaned in to whisper conspiratorially to his colleague. "I think Cecile's been a bad influence."

Suzaku shook his head. "Is there anything else, sirs?"

Lloyd showed him off in the Lancelot to Dr. Grant, then let him leave early. Suzaku didn't even hesitate before changing out of his flightsuit and into a cute skirt and blouse before heading over to the Ashford campus and Lelouch's place.

Within five minutes of his arrival, he and Lelouch were naked and wrapped in each other's arms, and Suzaku realized a few things.

He didn't so much mind being a girl as he minded having been turned into a girl.

He didn't care about anything as much as he cared about this; Lelouch in his arms, panting with desire and already slicked with a think layer of sweat as they moved against each other. Everything, every other duty and desire palled in comparison.

He was desperately afraid of losing this. He wanted something to tie them together, something that couldn't be brushed aside.

So when Lelouch, finally at his limit, fumbled in his bedside drawer for the condoms, Suzaku reached out a hand and stopped him.

"…_what_?"

Suzaku stared at Lelouch's face – flushed and impatient – and felt something possessive and selfish pulse inside him. "I want you. Just you. Take me like this, Lelouch."

Lelouch didn't need any more convincing as he rolled them over and thrust into Suzaku.

Perfect.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

Lelouch never asked why the change, which was good because Suzaku really didn't want to talk about it. He was still uncomfortable with his female body; he still thought like a guy, still felt like a guy, and being treated like the girl he looked like was still unnerving. But when it came to being with Lelouch, Suzaku found himself becoming more and more comfortable with being _Lelouch's_ girl. He loved the way Lelouch's hands carded through his hair, and was growing it out in a more feminine cut to encourage that. He loved the way Lelouch idly caressed and kissed his breasts as they lay together relaxed and post-coital. He loved the way Lelouch's hand occasionally rested on his hip when they were in public.

He loved the way Lelouch looked at his body, even if he couldn't love the body itself.

It had come to the point where Suzaku was beginning to think of his own body as a tool, a means to an end, all for Lelouch. And he wanted… after finding out that he could be permanently stuck this way, the thought of binding himself to Lelouch, of giving him a child – something that would have been impossible on _several _levels a month ago – was oddly appealing.

He knew Lelouch felt something for him more than mere attraction and lust, but he wasn't foolish enough to assume that it was the same kind of love that he felt towards Lelouch. But if Suzaku was carrying his baby… family had always been important to Lelouch. Suzaku would earn the kind of love from him that would endure.

It wasn't a nice plan, or one that Suzaku was 100% comfortable with, but as long as Lelouch never asked about it, Suzaku wouldn't have to explain it.

There were other things that were distracting in any case.

"Why are you wearing _makeup_?"

"We're going out."

"…we're taking Nunnally for ice cream at the park. That really doesn't explain why you're wearing makeup!"

Suzaku pouted, careful not to smudge his lipstick – there wasn't much on, Shirley and Milly had assured him that with his colouring less was more. "I want to look pretty for you."

Lelouch just looked at him in exasperation. "That's the stupidest thing you've ever said, and you always look pretty." He flushed lightly as he re-evaluated what he'd said. "I mean you look fine."

"Ahh…" Suzaku nodded wisely. "I see what the problem is. You're worried that we won't be able to spontaneously make out without smearing it."

"That's not…" Lelouch looked exasperated. "That wasn't what I was getting at, but it's a good point." He moved closer to Suzaku, smiling in _that way_, making Suzaku's heart speed up the way nothing else could. One hand came to rest on Suzaku's hip, possessive and gentle, and Suzaku's lips parted. "It's a little ironic," the air from his words ghosted over Suzaku's lips and Suzaku _wanted_… "you make yourself look desirable and yet…" Suzaku leaned forward, _almost _fast enough to catch Lelouch's lips, but not quite as Lelouch moved away. "You make it forbidden to take advantage of it."

Suzaku pouted. "Lelouch…"

Lelouch shot him an arch look. "Suzaku. If the makeup's for me, it's not necessary. You've already seduced me, dear."

"It's not for you," Suzaku said, a little huffily. Lelouch was a damned tease. "At least not directly. I just want to look like the type of person you should want to go out with."

There was an awkward moment of silence as neither mentioned that Suzaku would have to change his ethnicity to achieve that.

"Suzaku-san, _onii-sama_, are we ready?"

They could always count on Nunnally to break the tension.

The outing to the park was nice, Lelouch's teasing touches aside, as was supper. Suzaku showered before bed, cleaning off all his makeup and Lelouch, clearly suffering from his teasing as much as Suzaku had been, actually took him against the door the moment he walked in to Lelouch's room. After a brief rest and a much slower and gentler round of sex, Lelouch curled up against Suzaku, lazily kissing him as his hands played lightly against his breast.

"You don't have to fancify anything," Lelouch murmured as he fell asleep. "You're perfect just the way you are."

That was comforting enough to soothe Suzaku's dreams as he drifted off as well.


	6. Desperation, Danger in Frustration

Suzaku loved waking up tangled up with Lelouch. Even before they'd become lovers, on the rare occasions they shared a bed, Suzaku would lay beside Lelouch before the other woke, just enjoying whatever contact they'd ended up sharing or just watching Lelouch without worrying about being caught staring.

Since they'd started having sex and falling asleep wrapped in each other's arms, though, Suzaku had never woken up as contented and satisfied, willing to just stay there and anticipating Lelouch waking up.

Especially when Lelouch had a morning boner. As vulgar as it may seem, Suzaku loved the feeling of Lelouch's arousal before Lelouch was conscious of it.

This morning, Lelouch was hard and already idly shifting his hips against Suzaku's thigh. Suzaku grinned and rolled over slightly, pressing his own erection against Lelouch's leg.

…wait.

The sudden terror of realization didn't affect Suzaku's cock one bit. If anything, it grew harder as Suzaku's hand flew between his legs to check and make sure that he wasn't dreaming.

Nope. Penis present. Suzaku wasn't sure how he felt about that. The rush of relief was tainted with the absolute terror of Lelouch finding out.

As if that thought had taunted fate, Lelouch stirred in something that wasn't the unconscious sensuality that had so aroused Suzaku. "…zaku?"

Panicking, Suzaku slapped his hand over Lelouch's eyes and kissed him deeply as his mind raced, plotting how he could get out of this.

…there was no way. But Suzaku wasn't about to just give up.

"Lelouch," he whispered against Lelouch's lips. "Keep your eyes closed."

To Suzaku's immense relief, Lelouch just chuckled. "You're in a mood this morning."

"I wanna suck you," Suzaku said desperately. "Please, Lelouch, just… keep your eyes closed."

"Certainly." Lelouch spread his legs, a smirk curling his lips. "I assume, being unable to see the clock, that we'll have time for me to return the favour."

It wouldn't matter. Suzaku would never see Lelouch's eyes look up at him from below his stomach, lidded with desire, dark with intent, narrowing as he licked his lips in anticipation and ducked his head…

"Plenty of time," Suzaku assured him and gingerly removed his hand.

Lelouch's eyes were closed, as promised. Suzaku kissed them, then Lelouch's lips, then slowly started traveling down, careful not to brush his now-flat chest against Lelouch's.

"Hmmm, _Suzaku_…" Lelouch's hand slid over his shoulder and around to Suzaku's front. Suzaku caught his hand before it got too far and Lelouch pouted. "I can't see and I can't touch? That's hardly fair."

"Please, Lelouch." Suzaku was desperate to get this last bit of Lelouch before giving him up. "I'll do anything you want in return, just please… give me this."

Some part of his need must have come out in his voice because Lelouch barely hesitated before lifting his arms above his head. "Anything for you, Suzaku."

His voice, soothing and encouraging, and his words made something twist in Suzaku's chest and Suzaku bent down to press his lips to Lelouch's skin rather than responding. He was afraid that he'd already said too much.

He took care of that by not saying another word, keeping his mouth busy with other activities. Lelouch moaned and shifted under him, gratifyingly reactive and appreciative. This had become something of a practiced thing – when they were alone but not for long, Suzaku would often get on his knees and challenge himself to get Lelouch off as fast as he could. Lelouch would generally return the favour with quantity later, something that Suzaku appreciated as his second and third orgasms tended to be actually more powerful than his first.

Still, despite the multiple times and multiple situations that Suzaku had sucked Lelouch off, Lelouch had never tried to take control from him, never grabbed his ears or hair or tried to squirm his way out of Suzaku's restraining hold.

For some reason, Suzaku wanted it this time. He pulled off Lelouch's cock and grabbed Lelouch's arm, guiding his hands to Suzaku's hair before taking him back in his mouth.

It was worth it to feel Lelouch's hand flexing, griping Suzaku's hair, as he arched and came, spilling down Suzaku's throat.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

It had been a while since Suzaku had teared up after or during a blowjob. He doubted he could honestly blame it on anything physical.

"Can I open my eyes now?" Lelouch asked in a slightly shaky voice. At least he was affected too. "I believe it's my turn…"

Suzaku didn't want this to end yet. "Not just yet." He pressed a kiss on the inside of Lelouch's thigh.

Unfortunately this brushed his cheek on that thigh, making Lelouch tense up as he felt the dampness of Suzaku's tears. "…Suzaku?"

_Don't look_… Suzaku pulled away and grabbed his clothes, running out of Lelouch's room without another word and locking the bathroom door behind him.

He stared at his body, trailing his hands over his muscled chest and ripped abs (eight of them again, oddly enough). He cupped his cock and balls, feeling the familiar heft and weight, something that should have been reassuring, but was almost disappointing.

_This_ was his body. Despite having had his female body for a little over a month, it had never felt comfortable and natural like his. This felt like something huge yet undefinable had been fixed. Even simple things like moving his arm and head and _breathing_ felt more natural. _This_ was the way he was supposed to be.

But Lelouch would turn away from him. They'd still be friends, no doubt, but the likelihood of them being anything more was… well, Suzaku wasn't confident enough to even hope for it.

And _would _they still be friends? Lelouch had never shown even an inkling of attraction for Suzaku before he became female. He'd accepted that Suzaku had always been attracted to males, and was attracted to him specifically, but perhaps he hadn't really equated that with being gay. With Suzaku's new male body back, that was rather more apparent.

And Suzaku had tricked him, just now, into doing something with a guy. Would Lelouch understand that, or at least forgive it? He wasn't particularly gracious in the face of betrayal.

"Suzaku?"

Suzaku glared at the reflection of his dearly missed male body. "You couldn't have given me some warning?"

"…what? What did you say?" Lelouch sounded worried. "Suzaku, what are you doing in there?"

_Scolding myself for changing sexes without any clear reason. Again. _"Nothing. I'll be a few minutes."

Rather footsteps walking away, there was a soft sound of Lelouch leaning against the door. "Is this… did I do something wrong this morning? I tried to follow all your instructions…"

"You did fine." Suzaku really didn't want to talk to Lelouch right now. He was honestly trying to figure out how to further postpone Lelouch's discovery of his masculinity. Maybe if he stuffed his shirt… "You were wonderful. You were…" his voice cracked. Lelouch was so dear to him and he was going to lose him… "Lelouch, I love you."

There was a moment of silence, then the sound of departing footsteps. Suzaku stared at himself, full of self-recriminations and disgust. Had Lelouch already figured it out? Suzaku's voice had returned to the tenor of his male voice, rather than his female contralto, and then there was the odd way he'd been behaving that would have piqued Lelouch's attention. Lelouch wasn't an idiot, he'd almost certainly figured it out.

Suzaku was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice the sound of Lelouch retuning until he was outside the bathroom door. There was a rustling and a snick and the door opened, revealing Lelouch holding the credit card he'd used to jimmy open the door.

"Now that you can't hide, what the… hell…" Lelouch stared at Suzaku's nude body, not unlike the horrified way he'd stared at Suzaku after he'd first changed into a girl. "Suzaku…"

Suzaku felt strangely exposed, despite the fact that they'd seen each other naked and revelled in it on a semi-nightly basis recently. It hadn't been this body that had made Lelouch's eyes light up or darken depending on the context. Suzaku covered his groin, flushing. "Lelouch, I was… I didn't…"

Lelouch stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. "You're back to normal."

"…yeah."

Lelouch approached him cautiously, raising a hand to his cheek cautiously. "Congratulations?"

To Suzaku, it sounded like "Good bye".

Fortunately, Suzaku had a male Ashford uniform at Lelouch's from before this had happened and they were on time for school, early enough for Suzaku to explain what had happened ("I changed back.") before class started. Apart from a few surprised glances from the teachers and other students, there wasn't much fall-out from this change. Clearly, after having turned into a girl, no one was surprised by anything that happened to Suzaku anymore. Suzaku couldn't really blame them or disagree.

There was even a student council meeting which went as smoothly as it ever did. Milly, after her own moment of surprise (followed by disappointment over the loss of those breasts) got right to business. Which was chaotic, but in a normal and expected way.

After, Rivalz congratulated him and Suzaku laughed at all his jokes. Everything was going back to normal, and Suzaku was happy with that. Shirley's friendliness was no longer restrained by the awkwardness of thinking of him as Lelouch's girlfriend. Nina still avoided him, as normal, and Milly was back to assigning him physical labour rather than groping his rack. The only difference was the way Lelouch had been watching him pensively; not sitting beside him as he had when they'd been a couple and occasionally before, but not ignoring him either.

It had been a little uncomfortable, but Suzaku figured he deserved at least that much discomfort for what he'd put Lelouch through.

And it wasn't like _he _wasn't watching Lelouch in return, his eyes drawn to that most beloved face and form. He needed to get over it. He needed to get his mind and heart back to same place they had been before he and Lelouch had started sleeping together. He flashed Lelouch a weak smile, regretting it as something determined and hard came into those violet eyes.

Rivalz was saying something, but Suzaku couldn't really hear him as Lelouch stood up and strode towards him, his jaw set and firm. "…Lelouch…"

Lelouch inserted himself between Rivalz and Suzaku, grasping Suzaku's arm in as firm a grip as he could manage.

It was the first contact they'd had since Lelouch's gentle touch that morning. It wasn't affectionate or kind, but it was physical touch and Suzaku shivered at it.

Rivalz noticed. "You guys…"

"Please excuse us," Lelouch said, his voice full of restrained politeness. "We have something we need to discuss."

Suzaku managed an even weaker smile at Rivalz. "Sorry. I'll talk to you later?"

Rivalz hesitated before backing out from under Lelouch's calm stare. "Sure. Later."

Once he was gone, Lelouch turned the force of his piercing gaze on Suzaku. "You have exactly one chance to explain _exactly_ what your problem is, why you rushed out of my room this morning, why you can't meet my eyes today, why you won't talk to me or touch me, and why you're wearing your fake smile. _One_ chance, then I'm taking matters into my own hands, understood, Suzaku?"

Suzaku stared at him. _He'd_ been acting perfectly normal. Or at least as normal as he could after having changed sexes again. It was sad that he was kind of getting used to it and had a formula – explain as much as he could, smile and make people feel comfortable, try to act like the same person, and dodge Lelouch's mood swings. It was, after all, _Lelouch_ who was acting strangely.

"I don't know…"

"_One _chance, Suzaku."

Suzaku sighed, exasperated. "Look, it's been a busy day. Can we talk about this later?"

Lelouch shook his head. "Don't blow me off, Suzaku. I'm not everyone else. I think I deserve more than superficial fakeness, don't you?" There was a touch of uncertainty in that question. "I mean more to you than that, don't I?"

"Of course you…" But those were the feelings he was only allowed to have as a girl. "I'm happy, really. I didn't really like being in a girl's body. I'm just relieved it's over." Suzaku smiled and it was truly genuine this time, only tinged slightly with regret. "Everything can go back to the way it was and we can just forget this ever happened."

Lelouch caught the implications in that. "Everything?"

Suzaku wanted to lean forward and kiss him, deep and hard and with one hand in his hair as the other pulled him in close… "It's like a reset, Lelouch. It's fine. Every good thing has its price."

That had _not_ been the right thing to say. Lelouch's eyes widened and his grip on Suzaku arm, which he'd never released, tightened to the point that it almost hurt. "So. I'm a _price _now."

"That's not what I…" Suzaku sometimes wished he had a better internal filter. "Look, I'm sorry for this morning–"

"You should be! Do you have any idea how terrified I was after you ran off with no explanation and locked yourself in the bathroom? It was even worse when you started saying you loved me like you were about to cry! I though you were going to do something stupid."

…Suzaku could see how Lelouch might think that. "I would never…" (not entirely true and Suzaku didn't want to lie about this) "not in your house, that would be…" Suzaku tried to find the right word. "Rude?"

"_Rude_?" Lelouch was flat out furious now. "I swear, Suzaku sometimes…" at a loss for words for once, Lelouch shoved Suzaku against the wall and kissed him.

Suzaku kissed back. It wasn't entirely unexpected – Lelouch reacted to passion in a rather predictable manner. They'd both become very good at letting the other know how they were feeling from how they kissed.

Lelouch's kiss was full of frustration and fear, as well as relief and a strong affection. Suzaku kissed back – both an 'I'm sorry' and a 'thank you'. When Lelouch's hand slid down Suzaku's arm to grip his hip, Suzaku knew that his apology had been accepted.

He was the one to pull back first. As much as he loved the taste and feel of Lelouch's kiss, he couldn't continue to indulge. They weren't together anymore, and the moment Lelouch really understood what Suzaku was now, he would push Suzaku away. And Suzaku didn't want to force him to do that. He'd end it first.

"I should go." Suzaku stepped out of Lelouch's hold. "Look, I'll see you around. And I promise I won't make things awkward or anything."

Lelouch smiled, but it was hard and brittle. "Of course. We wouldn't want any awkwardness."

…he was still mad. "I'm sorry." Suzaku wasn't entirely sure what he was apologizing for, but he did know that he was full of undefined regret. "I never meant for things to get like this." It wasn't surprising that Lelouch would feel upset at the way Suzaku had accidentally tricked him into becoming lovers. "I'll make it up to you…"

Lelouch looked at him speculatively. "…that's true, isn't it? You _did _promise that you'd do anything I wanted in return for this morning, didn't you?"

Suzaku had. And if Lelouch wanted to humiliate him or shame him or punish him in some way… well, it was no less than he deserved. "I did."

Lelouch nodded and pressed Suzaku back against the wall, peering at him curiously before brushing his lips lightly against Suzaku's. Suzaku flinched away, hating the false hope that ignited. Lelouch's hands in his hair was even more arousing and confusing, but even as Lelouch pressed firmer kisses against Suzaku's lips, Suzaku realized and repeated to himself that Lelouch was still just enamoured of the parts of him that hadn't changed much from his transformations – his lips, his hair, the soft skin of his cheek. Even when Lelouch deepened the kiss, forcing Suzaku's mouth open, his hands never strayed to Suzaku's flat chest or narrow hips.

He was holding on to the Suzaku that he remembered, the Suzaku who turned him on. And as much as Suzaku had disliked being that Suzaku, he would have done it again. For Lelouch.

But it wasn't him Lelouch wanted. And the longer it took him to realize this, the harder he'd take the loss. It was better to make it a clean cut.

Suzaku would miss this, though – the kissing and the touching and the closeness. Just not enough to go back to lying to Lelouch for it.

"Lelouch… we need to stop this." Before one or the other of them got irreparably hurt.

"Hmm…" Lelouch said thoughtfully. "Perhaps. But you still have the promise you need to keep."

Suzaku nodded miserably. "Alright. What do you want me to do?"

Lelouch seemed to have come to a resolution. "Come over tonight. We'll… talk."

_Talk_. Somehow Suzaku doubted that would be all they ended up doing.


	7. I Love You, You're Amazing

Nunnally and Sayoko-san were both out when Suzaku got to the house, something that immediately raised Suzaku's mental defences. He took a deep breath and forced himself to relax – whatever Lelouch had planned, Suzaku would go with it for his sake.

The house seemed more empty then usual. Suzaku knew that Lelouch was in his room, but the walk through the house seemed… longer.

But not quite long enough. The light under the door looked almost ominous. On the other side of the door, Lelouch was waiting. And he'd had nearly a full day to plot.

Well. A promise was a promise. Suzaku set his jaw and opened the door.

Despite the well-lit room, it took Suzaku a moment to locate Lelouch. He wasn't on the bed as Suzaku had expected him to be (from weeks of experience) but rather was seated in the corner, watching the door with an expectant expression.

Suzaku had never seen Lelouch genuinely pondering something. His eyes were sharper than usual, even though they weren't really focused on anything. Rather than fiddling with a chess piece, Lelouch's hand rested near his mouth, his fingers spread in an elegant gesture of thoughtfulness. His legs were crossed, chaste yet suggestive with his graceful stockinged feet. He looked, truly, like a prince; completely in charge of the situation and more than clever enough to take advantage of it.

It was just as well that Suzaku had resigned himself to humiliation and hurt feelings before he'd walked in.

He closed the door behind himself, patiently waiting for Lelouch to make the first move.

He didn't have to wait long.

"I've been thinking." …that couldn't be good. "Mostly about today, but also about these past few weeks." He uncrossed his legs and fixed Suzaku with a firm stare. "And I think I know the problem and how to resolve it."

Suzaku wondered if this was part of some psychological game. If so, it was working – every word Lelouch said made him more nervous.

"Take off your clothes."

…_much _more nervous. "Wh-what?"

"Remove. Your clothing."

Suzaku was a little ashamed at how his fingers trembled lightly as he unbuttoned his shirt, but by the time he kicked off his pants and underwear, he was back under control. Physically at least. "What now?"

Lelouch didn't answer, but his gaze wandered over Suzaku's body, taking everything in. Suzaku resisted the urge to cover himself up, to hide from those piercing eyes. There was nothing arousing about Lelouch's gaze – no heat or desire that Suzaku could see, just clinical interest, the kind that made Suzaku feel like a specimen on display.

Then Lelouch stood up in a single fluid movement and Suzaku snapped to attention, as if overcompensating for his state of undress. Lelouch didn't comment on that as he lazily and slowly circled around Suzaku. The only sounds in the room that Suzaku could hear were the soft pads of Lelouch's feet against the floor and his own heartbeat thudding in his chest. "Lelouch…"

"Hush." Lelouch sounded distracted and impatient. He'd stopped moving and was standing behind Suzaku, just out of view. Suzaku could feel his eyes on him, mentally tracing out the details of the curve of his spine, the nape of his neck, his hamstrings and calves, the way the small of his back transitioned into his ass…

He nearly yelped as gentle fingers ghosted over his buttocks, coming to rest in the curve of his back before trailing up his spine and over his shoulder. "L-Lelouch…"

"I said hush," Lelouch reminded him, pressing against the skin more firmly now, both hands sliding over Suzaku's arms, up his sides, pressing against his shoulderblades. Lelouch was close enough that Suzaku could feel the air moving from Lelouch's clothes against his skin, he could even feel Lelouch's breath against his neck. It didn't matter that this was just some sort of game, that Lelouch was taunting him, Suzaku's body reacted helplessly, even eagerly, and Suzaku let it, hoping that this would bring the teasing to an earlier end.

Lelouch didn't even seem to notice as he circled around to Suzaku's front, one hand resting against the back of Suzaku's neck, holding him in place as Lelouch looked him in the eye.

Suzaku had only a moment to absorb the unmistakable look of lust and hunger in Lelouch's eyes before Lelouch leaned into him and kissed him.

It was a good kiss. It wasn't demanding or forceful, nothing like what Suzaku would have expected from Lelouch's expression, but was rather gently firm, warm and soft with the occasional press of tongue, just enough to make Suzaku want to open to Lelouch, to deepen the kiss himself.

And when he did, he was rewarded with a sigh and the feeling of Lelouch's body lining up with his, the delicious pressure and friction against his erection increasing his arousal…

Suzaku wrenched himself away from Lelouch with a low cry, desperate to get away before Lelouch realized what was happening and pulled away in revulsion from the evidence of Suzaku's maleness.

A flash of pure irritation crossed Lelouch's face before being replaced with resigned amusement. "I like girls."

"…what?"

"I like girls," Lelouch repeated. "Breasts, hips, curves, soft lips… I am attracted to the female sex."

Suzaku was feeling a little lost, but still… "Yeah. I kind of noticed."

Lelouch's amusement sharpened. "Yes… I noticed you noticing. The point is, before you came along, there were several girls I was physically attracted to. Milly, Shirley, Sarah…"

"Who?"

"Tall brunette who does her hair in pigtails. She's in our chemistry class." Suzaku had no idea who she was. "Not the point," Lelouch continued, refusing to be distracted. "The point is that I enjoyed looking at them, and all my fantasies have been with nameless faceless females, but I've never done anything with any of them. Until you."

Suzaku flushed.

Lelouch's smile turned into an outright smirk. "It was weird at first, but after I got used to it… god, I wanted you so badly." He reached out and lightly trailed his fingers over Suzaku's clavicle. "I dreamed of you that first night and woke up so hard…" Suzaku shivered and Lelouch licked his lips. "I tried to talk myself out of it – I reminded myself that you were still Suzaku, still my best friend and the closest thing I had to family apart from Nunnally. And you know what?"

"…what?"

Lelouch moved closer. "I very nearly came without touching myself at that thought."

It was taking all Suzaku's self-control not to grab Lelouch and throw him on the bed. "Lelouch…"

"Don't get me wrong," Lelouch clarified. "The fact that you were gorgeous helped. Perfect curves, gentle eyes, soft hair… I think I would have lusted after you to an extent no matter who you were." He slid his hand up Suzaku's neck. "But it was Suzaku who I fell in love with, and it was only ever Suzaku who'd I'd ever want to hold as I held you." He leaned in for another kiss, but Suzaku pressed his finger to Lelouch's lips before he could.

"You held me when I was a girl. It's different now."

Lelouch nodded. "Yes. To be honest, I was a little disappointed when you changed back. I wasn't sure I would feel the same way for you like this, want you the same way. After all… I've only ever wanted girls."

Suzaku bowed his head in resignation. "Exactly."

"But I do."

Suzaku's head shot up. "What?"

"I do," Lelouch repeated. "I want you." Lelouch guided Suzaku's hand to the front of his pants, pressing Suzaku's palm onto the bulge there and hissing a little. "I've been hard since you took your shirt off, you unobservant dolt."

Suzaku's hand flexed and Lelouch's lips parted beautifully. "Lelouch…"

"I wasn't sure about you either," Lelouch admitted, his breath coming slightly faster. "You pulled away so far and so fast that I thought you were using it as an excuse… but you said you loved me." Lelouch whined slightly and bucked against Suzaku's hand as Suzaku started massaging his clothed erection. "And… _fuck_, Suzaku…" Lelouch's eyes fluttered shut with pleasure as he wrapped his arms around Suzaku's neck, leaning up to press his lips close to Suzaku's ear. "I believed in you."

Suzaku turned his head and captured Lelouch's lips in a bruising, desperate kiss. "_Lelouch_…"

"Suzaku." Lelouch squirmed in Suzaku's hold, wriggling out of his pants and shirt. "Fuck me."

"Oh god yes…" Suzaku answered, so turned on until his brain caught up with his ears. "_What_?" He pulled back to stare at Lelouch. "Fuck _you_? _Me_?" Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?

Lelouch looked less than patient with Suzaku's hesitation. "You've got a cock, don't you?" He leaned closer, chasing the passion that had been present a moment before. "Don't pretend you don't want to…"

Suzaku did. He most definitely did. But. "Lelouch, I can't just…"

"Why not?" Lelouch asked, impatient again.

"Look," Suzaku said, trying to be reasonable. "If you're sure you want to continue this relationship, we can. I… I'd actually really like that. But I'm not just going to fuck you."

Lelouch's expression and tone didn't change. "Why not?"

"Because!" Suzaku said, frustrated and turned on and a little ticked off that he was arguing against this. "You've been the one… I mean, I've never… you always…"

Lelouch shut him up with a kiss. "Suzaku. I've been inside you. It was wonderful. It was fantastic. And, yes, I want to do it again. But that doesn't mean that I don't want you to fuck me right now." Lelouch reached down and ran nothing more than a teasing finger over Suzaku's erection and Suzaku groaned. "Because you think I have an issue that I don't. And I need to prove that to you."

Suzaku looked at him, arousal and desperation making him honest and blunt. "You don't have to prove anything."

Lelouch's eyes widened. "Suzaku…"

And for the first time since he'd changed back, Suzaku finally felt in control of the situation with Lelouch. "You don't have to prove anything," he repeated. "You don't owe me anything, there's no score to even… All I want… all I _ever_ wanted was to be with you."

"Oh." Lelouch looked stunned for a moment, before his lips spread in a smile. "Okay, then. In that case…" He grabbed Suzaku's head and kissed him hard, with teeth and tongue and not letting up even an inch until Suzaku was kissing back just as hard, his hands holding Lelouch's hips in place as he thrust against him. "Fuck me."

…Suzaku was so done arguing. Lelouch felt so good against him, and he'd probably feel even better around him. "Do you have anything?"

Lelouch stumbled back to the bed, overbalancing as Suzaku followed him, refusing to let him go, and falling back on the bed. He groped inside the bedside table and passed Suzaku an unopened tube of lubrication that was so new it still had the price on (Lelouch had gotten a pretty good deal).

Suzaku opened the tube and poured a generous amount over his fingers as Lelouch scooted backwards and spread his legs.

For a moment, Suzaku hesitated. As much as he'd done before being with Lelouch – with both men and women – he'd never had anal sex before in any way. He had the basic idea down, as well as the general concept that it would hurt at the beginning and be quite sore after everything was done, but the specifics…

"Hurry up, Suzaku!"

Well… he'd do his best. He settled half on top, half beside Lelouch, one hand propping him up, the other trailing cool slick circles around Lelouch's anus. "Lelouch… are you sure?" His body looked sure, his legs falling further open rather than instinctively shutting, his cock, already erect, leaking as Suzaku teased his ass. But Suzaku wanted to hear Lelouch say it again.

"I'm sure, please…" Lelouch gasped as Suzaku pressed a single finger into him, pausing with it half in to allow Lelouch to get used to it and also to calm himself down as the realization that Lelouch's ass was just so _hottightperfect _nearly made him come. "Suzaku, more…" Lelouch recovered before Suzaku did, and Suzaku had to close his eyes against the unbearably arousing feel and look and sound of Lelouch taking in his finger.

He wasn't sure he'd be able to survive watching Lelouch's body take in his cock.

And it wasn't as if Lelouch was passive or anything. His hips moved, wriggling around Suzaku's finger, occasionally pressing himself deeper on the digit. "Dammit, Suzaku, stop teasing me!"

Suzaku kissed him to shut him up, sliding a second finger in as Lelouch arched and cried out against his mouth. "Lelouch, are you…"

"It's so…" Lelouch squirmed restlessly, his breath coming in short sharp pants. "Don't stop, Suzaku."

It still wasn't clear if Lelouch was enjoying himself or just stubborn. But Suzaku was at the point where he wanted to keep going, so he took Lelouch at his word, thrusting the pair of his fingers into him and flexing and twisting and scissoring until Lelouch's arms flew up to grasp his shoulders, holding him close. He was still hard.

Suzaku quickly debated with himself whether to go to three fingers or just move on to his cock. On one hand, this _was_ Lelouch's first time. On the other, Lelouch was now _definitely_ fucking himself on Suzaku's fingers, eager and ready for more, and Suzaku really wanted to feel that tight heat around his cock. "Lelouch…"

"Do it."

Okay then. Lelouch lifted his hips and whined a little as Suzaku pulled his fingers out, pouring more lubrication over his hands and slicking up his cock. He idly noticed the mess he was making, the brand of the lubrication, anything to distract him from the way Lelouch looked; spread out under him, flushed and eager, one hand reaching out to grasp Suzaku's shoulder as Suzaku lined himself up and started gingerly pressing inside him.

He'd been completely correct. This was so much hotter than watching Lelouch take in his fingers. Especially when Suzaku's control slipped and he thrust in a little too fast, making Lelouch arch and cry out. Suzaku wanted more of that, he wanted Lelouch screaming out his name, begging for more… "S-sorry…"

"Don't stop," Lelouch gasped out, clearly more concerned that Suzaku might have taken that as an excuse to pull away than any pain he might have been in. Suzaku swallowed his guilt and continued to press in, careful to avoid anymore (surprisingly hot) surprises.

It seemed to take forever but, finally, he was sheathed completely inside Lelouch. "You okay?"

For a long moment, Lelouch didn't react. He stared unblinkingly at the ceiling, tears collecting at the corner of his eyes as his body fluttered involuntarily around Suzaku's cock. It wasn't anything he was doing on purpose, but it was driving Suzaku insane with the desire to move and thrust and _fuck _Lelouch. "Lelouch?"

Lelouch visibly swallowed before his tongue darted out over his lips as they parted. "I can feel… god, Suzaku." His hand trailed down Suzaku's chest, past his tensed abdomen until his fingers brushed over the point where their bodies were joined. "Can you feel this?"

"…yeah. Yeah, Lelouch. I feel it."

"Good." Lelouch shifted and Suzaku bit back a groan as that slid him even deeper. "Move?"

It took Suzaku a moment to process that that had been a request and another to properly brace himself before sliding out, not quite halfway, and pushing back in, watching Lelouch's reaction.

It was amazing. Just one thrust, gentle and careful and slow, and Lelouch arched and gasped, his hands flying to Suzaku's hips as if to hold him there, inside him. "_More_." Suzaku thrust again, a little harder and Lelouch's eyes closed with pleasure.

"Don't do that," Suzaku ordered as he started a steady rhythm. "Don't close your eyes. Don't hide from me, Lelouch…"

Lelouch forced his eyes open, fixing them on Suzaku's as his body moved steadily against under him. "Not hiding. It's just… it's so good…" He clenched around Suzaku and they both groaned. "I just…" His breath hitched as Suzaku sped up, driving into him faster and harder. "Oh, Suzaku, I wanted…" Suzaku didn't let him finish, spreading his legs wider as he bent between them, still thrusting as he captured Lelouch's lips in a hard kiss.

There was nothing tentative about Suzaku's actions now as he pounded Lelouch into the mattress, swallowing his cries and reaching between their bodies to grasp and pump his cock. "Lelouch… you're so…"

"-zaku…" Lelouch gasped, his breath coming faster and shallower and almost sharp against Suzaku's cheek when they weren't kissing. His hand had wound through Suzaku's hair and was grasping tightly as Suzaku slammed into him over and over and over again…

When Lelouch came, his whole body was involved with the orgasm, his toes clenching against the sheets, his mouth and eyes wide opened as he screamed Suzaku's name, his back arching against the bed and his hands clenching in Suzaku's hair. But it was the way his ass tightened, making every thrust impossibly better, that pushed Suzaku over the edge into his own orgasm.

It wasn't until Suzaku collapsed, breathing hard and still on a high from the amazing orgasm, that he managed to refocus on Lelouch. "Lelouch, you… are you okay?"

"Hngn," Lelouch responded eloquently, groping around for Suzaku, then cuddling up beside him. "I mean… I'm fine."

There was a smug, well satisfied aspect to his tone that didn't quite distract Suzaku from a slightly pained wince as he settled comfortably in bed. "…really?"

"Really." Lelouch looked up, an amused glint in his eyes as he leaned in to press a soft but lingering kiss on Suzaku's lips. "I can still feel it, where you were inside me. It's like a really warm ache." He looked at Suzaku curiously. "Was it like that for you too?"

Suzaku had to admit that it was. "Yeah, it was… it felt so good when you were inside and even after you were gone, it was still… tingly."

"Tingly… that's a good word," Lelouch agreed. He traced small patterns idly over Suzaku's chest. "I miss your breasts."

"I don't."

Lelouch nodded. "I'm not surprised. As much as you laughed and protested, you never really liked your body did you?"

Suzaku hesitated. "There were things I liked. I liked the way you looked at me."

"I though you were beautiful," Lelouch said simply. "I still do." He settled on top of Suzaku without the slightest sign of discomfort. "It's funny…" he planted kisses over Suzaku's clavicle, up his throat, "I've never been attracted to the male body, but you're just so… beautiful."

With a quick smooth movement, Suzaku flipped them over, pinning Lelouch to the mattress as he kissed him thoroughly. All the things he wanted to say (_You're beautiful; you were the only good thing that happened to me; I love you_) he tried to communicate through his kiss. Lelouch's hands threaded through his hair, holding him close as their sweat-slicked bodies moved idly against each other, seeking closeness rather than completion.

"I love you."

Suzaku froze. The words sounded as if they'd been ripped out of Lelouch's throat with a kind of desperation. Lelouch, still breathing hard, looked immediately remorseful under him. "I'm sorry. It just slipped out. I know you hate it when I say things like that…"

"What? I… I don't hate it."

Lelouch cocked his head curiously. "But you told me not to say it. And when I did, albeit in an indirect way, you changed the subject as soon as possible."

Suzaku shook his head. "I just… I didn't want you to feel like you had to say anything. I mean… it was just my feelings, I didn't want you to–" Lelouch cut him off with a kiss. "Lelouch, I'm trying to–" and another one.

"Suzaku," Lelouch said, with a sweet smile, as soon as he let Suzaku pull away, "I want you to promise me something."

"…what?" Suzaku asked cautiously.

"That you'll allow yourself to be more selfish with me." Lelouch ran his hands over Suzaku's back, making him shiver. "Don't hold back. Make demands. Refuse me things." He arched up against Suzaku, bringing their bodies closer together. "I love you. I want to please you. But I can't if you don't let me know what you want."

Suzaku looked at Lelouch, his mind caught between the reawakening of his bodily lust and the words Lelouch was saying. "You… _fuck_," he was getting hard again. So was Lelouch. "You please me. You… how could you not?"

Lelouch hummed and arched up to kiss Suzaku. "Then let me know it." Suzaku swore under his breath the moment before their lips met and fumbled for the lube as Lelouch spread his legs.

Somehow, the second time was even better than their first.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

When Suzaku woke up the next morning, stiff from a night full of sex and entwined in the limbs of his lover, he thought for a brief moment that he'd dreamed the whole thing up and that he was still dreaming. The thought of Lelouch being with him… as a _him_ was so incredible to Suzaku that it was very nearly unbelievable.

And the way Lelouch had given him his body…

And he was still here. Still warm and breathing softly and… kind of gross since they hadn't bothered to clean up after sex. Suzaku kissed his forehead and untangled himself, tucking Lelouch securely back in before grabbing his clothes and moving for the shower.

"Suzaku?"

He hadn't known Lelouch was still awake. "Yes?"

Lelouch looked over at him from the bed, still nestled in the sheets. "We're still… together, right? You do understand that, don't you?"

Suzaku smiled. "Yeah, Lelouch. I get it." He moved back over to the bed and kissed Lelouch's lips. "You're mine."

"Hmm… and you're mine."

"Yeah." Suzaku kissed him again. "And you're filthy and we have class in an hour, so get your lazy ass out of bed and join me in the shower."

Lelouch blinked, somewhat stunned by Suzaku's demanding, commanding tone. Then he grinned. "As you wish."


End file.
